Revive

This is my prayer for all my loved ones right now. I just feel like there is a lot of hearts who need to be revived. We need to be revived so that we are completely consumed by the love of Christ and compelled to do whatever it takes to live that out and be that. I see a lack of passion and depth. I pray this for myself often. We need to be willing to do whatever it takes to rid ourselves of anything that isn't pleasing to God, rid ourselves of everything that is keeping us from being all we can be in Christ. What does your life declare? Would the world see that your life Declares the one and only Jesus Christ as Lord? or would the world see that school, friends, or money is what your life declares?  Now is the time to choose. Actually it was yesterday. Do you represent Christ well? It's something to constantly think about. Sometimes our hearts get heavy and we forget. We need to be revived. I need to be revived. daily. 


Consider my affliction and please deliver me
Plead my cause and redeem me
Salvation is not for the wicked
For they don't seek your word
Great are your tender mercies Lord

Revive me, according to your loving kindness
Revive me, that I may seek your word 
Revive me, according to your loving kindness
Revive me, oh Lord

You give me understanding
According to your word
Great peace for those who seek your face
I long for salvation
My lips shall praise your name
I rejoice in the treasure of your keep

For all my ways are before you
I let your hand become my help
My soul longs and adores you
Let my cry come before you oh Lord

Oh, Revive me
Revive me

Black, White, and Grey

Some things in life are not black and white...but grey. Sometimes its difficult to live life that way...in the grey. When it is in the grey, it can go either way. A struggle for me is whether or not some things are bad/sin. It would be easier if scripture spoke of everything and just told us yes or no and was blatantly clear about all things. Its not. dang it. Therefore, we have to discern for ourselves whether or not certain things are alright or if its a sin. What if we choose wrong!? Moral dilemmas. A person can get exhausted trying to think about it and trying to figure it out. A lot of times I tend to think that if you are constantly worried about something you are doing is bad...then it probably is. If you are praying about it, and remaining close to God, and you don't feel like you are getting an answer..not an audible one, not even an answer that is spoken through someone else....and you still are worried about it constantly and you are genuine...then go with your gut because if you genuinely want to please God and be like Christ, then He won't let you continue to worry or make the wrong decision. You just have to trust and obey, for there is no other way.

Right now, I am having my own dilemma of whether or not something that is apart of my life every now and then is really good or bad (if that makes sense). It has been on my mind for a long time. Every time it appears in my life, there begins a debate in my head. Most of the time I go against my internal feeling, my gut which is probably a bad thing. Like i said before, if I genuinely desire to do the right thing and live a blameless life, than the Spirit will not let me make false choices, as long as I continue to seek after Him and desire to be like Him. Thinking too much can be a bad thing. I do that sometimes.

I just really want to be on the right track. I want to be blameless in the presence of my Lord. How can Christ be lifted high in my life, if I continue to let satan have a hold of my secrets and struggles in the dark...being brought to light is when it becomes Truth and you can be set free. For the light reveals all and there is no hiding. When things are in the light...they are black and white...not grey. Seek out the light, stay in the light, and you shall see the black and white more clearly. Then you can go forth and spread the light to help others see...so that we can all be on the same page...desiring to live a life worthy of our calling and helping each other to do that.

Thinking out loud here. hope it makes sense.

Look up the song Before and After by Jimmy Needham

here is a link for the lyrics and the meaning behind the song

Jesusfreakhideout.com: Jimmy Needham Not Without Love Before and After lyrics

Thoughts from Today

Sometimes I get mad at myself for not being good at being crafty. I just wanna be so bad. Nobody knows when I give them something I made how many times I messed up before I got it right or how many times I had to restart.

Today was good but also not so good. I think I could be a nun in the sense of taking the vow of silence. The only conversation I had today was with the lady at Hobby Lobby who was checking me out and that was a whole like five words.

Earlier I got really mad because I just wanted to find a certain picture of a tree/leaves on Google and there were SO MANY pictures of naked people. It drives me crazy that I can't simply look for a picture of a tree without seeing that. I had to put my web browser on "strict" when it came to websites. I can't be seeing those things...doesn't help me at all. It is so bad these days. The level of sexuality that our culture allows to be public and act like its alright. We don't usually notice because we grew up with it and just got use to it. Do you want to be use to that? Its not right. We are way to lax with those kinds of things. Its every where...even hidden in childrens movies and shows, sexual connotations. Anyways, it just made me mad.

I really wish I could go see my friends COR presentations tomorrow. It kills me just a little that I can't be there to support them. I'll just be here praying from afar ;)  I know they will do great. I mean I pretty much know what they are all gonna say, ha, because I've been hearing about it all semester. It will be a grand day when its all over and they don't have to worry about it. I remember those days. Not too fun. It was alright. I think my group did a really good job. I guess we were "that group" ha. Everyone and their mom came to ours. The other members of my group were all pretty popular around campus, ha so that probably helped.  Don't miss it though thats for sure.

I got two blisters today, a huge random bruise on my shin, and sliced my knuckle open. this is what trying to be crafty does to me. I am a mess. It is one reason why I don't like people to watch me do crafts..im self conscious, ha. and a mess.

I organized my closet today! yay me! finally. Okay well I won't bore you anymore with the lovely details of my life today. Time to work on some Christmas presents!

Remember to always choose Joy.

Let the Waters Rise

This song did a lot of good today. Sometimes I feel like there is a raging sea right in front of me. Whether that raging sea is homework, relationships, stress, loneliness, or sin we just have got to Trust God. Sometimes we have to go through the "storm" so we can learn to recognize Gods voice in the midst. He may not calm your "storm" but He will calm YOU in the midst of your "storm". Those are words to always remember.

Here are the lyrics. I love lyrics. I think about them a lot because sometimes they say things a lot better and it makes more sense than anything I can get to come out of my mouth.

Don’t know where to begin, it’s like my world’s caving in
And I try but I can’t control my fear
Where do I go from here?

Sometimes it’s so hard to pray when You feel so far away
But I am willing to go where You want me to
God, I trust You

There’s a raging sea right in front of me
Wants to pull me in, bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise if You want them to
I will follow You, I will follow You
I will follow You

I will swim in the deep ‘cause You’ll be next to me
You’re in the eye of the storm and the calm of the sea
You’ll never out of reach

God You know where I’ve been, You were there with me then
You were faithful before, You’ll be faithful again
I’m holding Your hand

God Your love is enough, You will pull me through
I’m holding onto You
God Your love is enough, I will follow You
I will follow You

It pretty much describes my thoughts/feelings for today. 

Always have, Always will

Part of me is the prodigal
Part of me is the other brother
But I think the heart of me
Is really somewhere between them
Some days I'm running wild
Some days I'm reconciled
But I wonder all the while
Why you put up with me when. . .

I'm caught in the trappings of
My search for lasting love
I've made mistakes enough to last me a lifetime
I still sip, I still fall
But I'll always run back to You
I'm gonna keep trusting You
I see what You've seen me through
I'm goin' where You have gone
I'm letting You lead me on

These lyrics really resonated with me yesterday after church. We had a guest speaker, Grant Norsworthy. He is was a member of the band Sonic Flood. Now he travels around speaking to different groups and he still sings. He gave a great message. He hit us all where it hurt..where we needed to be hit. 

I have become so much more aware of the sin in my life. We all need to become more sensitive to evil in this world. We get so use to seeing it and even participating in it that we don't realize anymore how bad it really is. Even the little things, like what we watch on tv or what music we listen to. Even if we let a few cuss words slip out. Sure they may not be "that" bad...but when you think about the fact that we were made to praise and worship Christ all the time. We fill those small moments of our lives with those little evils that sneak in. We are supposed to continually have praises on our lips...do you? You just called someone a bitch. Do you really want to go and praise Jesus with that same mouth. You just watched a show on tv where it was filled with sexual inuendos, promiscuity, rape, murder, etc. Just because you are watching it doesn't mean is ok. Do you want to give that mind that is now full of those images, to your God?  Our bodies are a temple, it is where Christ dwells. We are squeezing him in there with all those other small evils that we participate in. Whatever we sing and watch, Jesus sings and watches. We are ambassadors of Christ. Do you represent him well? just askin.

These are just thoughts that have been bugging me. I am not perfect. I wander. Just like the lyrics above. I go back and forth. I may have these thoughts again sometime and thats just because i have failed to apply certain Truths to my life. Anyways, just something to think about. 

Also, my Pastor and his wife lost their son last night unexpectedly. He was only in his early thirties. I have gotten close to Pastor Bob since being here and so this is just really devastating for the whole staff. If you could say a prayer that'd be great. 

I hope everyone has a wonderful thanksgiving! Remember to love those around you.

Oh the Joys

So...I REALLY do not want to be back in Peoria. I have some feelings/emotions about it that I am not sure if it is something I should speak out loud about a lot because I am not sure if it is still me being "new" at this or if I am really not happy. But for some reason this time when i came back from Greenville I just had a stronger dislike towards going back to Peoria than I have had before. I am not sure why. I mean being in Peoria isn't a bad thing, its not horrible. It probably is just the whole "loneliness" part that gets to me and sometimes I don't even realize it. I should be happy. I mean I am. I have a job for crying out loud, and I am proud of that fact. It's just now when people ask me how my job is going, I tell them, good. THen they ask, "well do you just absolutely love your job?"  I don't know how to respond to that. I do like it. I don't know that i love it. Its hard for me to answer that question for people with excitement. It's weird. I don't really want to share this with people because then I feel like I look like fool. I think part of the reason why I don't love it yet is because I am not completely confident yet in my abilities and position.
Oh the joys of ministry and Oh the joys of first jobs and Oh the joys of being an adult.

So...this weekend. I came to greenville, got in a car wreck, car wouldn't start, people lost my rent check, dealing with insurance, being sick, mom and dad mad, me being irresponsible, paying for speeding ticket, missing out on my responsibilites...but overall it was a good weekend. just full of surprises good and bad.

Rain Rain Go Away!

First off, I am not liking this weather one bit. Not ONE bit. Its been cold and rainy for the last three days!! shoot dang.

Secondly, last night I had some really good Skype conversations. Conversations that needed to happen. Makes me feel "real" and important when someone is intentional with me even if it is over Skype.

I am still new at this job and you kind of learn on the job, which I don't like sometimes because I like knowing things in advance so I don't look so stupid. Anyways, so there are still lots of new things I have yet to do/learn. I am going to be doing a lot of that up til Christmas! buh. So I have lots of nervous energy.

When talking last night on Skype the part of the conversation that stuck with me was when we were talking about best friends. As a lot of people know this is the area where I have issues and sometimes still feel immature about. I had said that sometimes I just get this overwhelming feeling of a need/desire to be somebody's best friend. I wanted someone to give me that label and position bc I can't remember the last time someone called me their best friend. Anyways, we ended up just talking about how it must make God really sad to see our pursuit of love and acceptance of people and things of this world. It reminded me of a time in High school where people "forgot" to invite me to a party they were having. I was so mad bc that wasn't the first time. So I found out where it was located and decided to drive myself over there and teach them a lesson ;) baha. So, I was on my way over when a thought/image just hit me like a smack in the face. I felt God saying "You see how this upset you. You see how you yearn for their affection and attention. THAT is exactly how I am with you right now."  It hit me hard. I stopped the car. Turned around. Drove back home.

Just some thoughts.
Also I got really excited today about Kat coming to thanksgiving with us. We are going to grandmas. Grandmas is hilarious. Most people would think its boring. Yes, we do get bored. Its in the middle of nowhere BUT my family is hilarious. All we do is laugh. It is an adventure at Grandmas house. I am excited about showing off my family to her because I think they are the best. I hope she doesn't get scared away though. ha. They are a little loud ;) Grandma does like to joke around with the grand kids boyfriends or girlfriends.

Like this last time my cousin Ana brought her boyfriend to visit. Grandma greeted him at the door and said "Sorry son, Im not drunk. That doesn't usually happen til like 11pm." bahaha. She tries to joke around. BUT sometimes grandma can seem a little unsteady bc she has Parkinsons so she jokes about it.

Hope this week is a good one.

Missin You

 

I meant to do this several days ago. Today is pretty close to the day that he died. I was missing him a lot today. I was thinking about when I was at grandmas house last week and how John Patrick wasn't there to greet me at the door and how James, this random guy that lives with grandma and grandpa, has his room now and has just trashed it. It made me so mad. I included a bit about him below. I did my speech on him once in high school. Please just take a few minutes to get to know him because he was wonderful. He is in heaven where he is perfect and can completely function. I can't wait to see him like that!! with a new mind and a new body. Shoot, I'm crying just thinking bout that day.

(this is written like if my mom was reading it to me)
"John Patrick Murphy died at age 31 from a rare form of childhood cancer. this form of cancer had no known cures. Some radiation may have helped, but he could not hold still enough to use the treatment. They tried some chemo, but it did not help at all. He was diagnosed in August and died in November. John had Down’s syndrome. He was taken into our home at age 4 while we lived near Albany N.Y., and remained with us until he died at 31. He was considered a foster child, but we were his family. His biological parents let us take him to Arkansas when we moved. He was about 10. John was number 6 of seven children with his biological family. His mother had had 12 miscarriages in between all these. His father was an alcoholic, and his mother didn't feel the home life was a good place for someone like John, so she put him in a catholic children's home, and that is where we received him as a foster child. John was fully irish with bright red hair. He attended special schools up until he was about 17 and then he began working in the Baxter Day Service center in Mtn. Home. This he did until his passing. It gave him a little pay check and a sense of purpose. He also participated in Special Olympics for many years. Mostly in some running, and maybe a softball throw events. He really looked forward to these and was very proud to participate. He loved eating at McDonalds! He loved watching T.V. His favorite shows were Lavern and Shirley and Happy Days. John loved and was so proud of all his nieces and nephews. He especially enjoyed visiting with you because you talked to him on his level and liked alot of the same shows on t.v. and eating at the same restaurants. You were very patient with him. He loved church and always sang with great gusto even though he couldn't carry a tune at all. This never bothered him. He loved playing Buddy Barrel in his church. This was when all the children would come and place their missionary offerings. He was very happy and loved the Lord. He was always the first to greet us at the door when any of us ever came home. And we can't forget that one of his distinct characteristics was sitting indian style and carrying on a conversation with his socks waving in front of him. He was an inspiration to all his friends at the day service center, and many attended his funeral."


Oh Uncle John how you made me laugh all the time! We would watch parent trap together :) I really enjoyed that. I was the only grand child that would just sit and hang out with him. 


Love you John Patrick. 

So we are doing Forgotten God in sunday school. I was nervous about it because they didn't seem interested and I am a horrible teacher. I spent the morning in prayer about it all before sunday school which was a really good time for me. After Sunday school Mitchell came up to me and said "thanks, that was really good." Ah man, thats all I needed to hear!

Also, I am moving on up in the blogging world. I have now had more posts than Megan Van de Loo for the months of Sept. Oct. AND Nov. :)  Anyways, not that big of a deal. Oh well, maybe that just means she is doing more with her life :)

Good Forgotten God quotes

“When we allow others’ perceptions of us (or even our perceptions of their perceptions!) to control how we live, we are enslaved.”


“But it’s absolutely vital to grasp that He didn’t call you there so you could settle in and live out your life in comfort and superficial peace.  His purposes are not random or arbitrary.  If you are still alive on this planet, it’s because He has something for you to do.”


“Jesus suffered  grueling death so that I could have the amazing gift of the Holy Spirit.  How dare I take this for granted.”


“Yet whether consciously or not, we essentially say to God, ‘I know You raised Christ from the dead; but the fact is my problems are just too much for You and I need to deal with them by myself.”


“When I read the book of Acts, I see the church as an unstoppable force.”


“In other words, when we stock up on knowledge without applying it to our lives, we are actually sinning.  You would think that learning more about God would be a good thing…and it can be.  But when we gain knowledge about God without responding to Him or assimilating His truth into our lives, then it is not a good thing.  According to the Bible, it’s sin.  May we not merely gain knowledge.  Instead, as we learn, may we grow and confess and change more into the people we’ve been created to be by the power of the Holy Spirit, who dwells within us.”

Time to get Serious

I am terrified.
Today I had a thought.
I am in charge of making disciples out of the kids in the youth group. Essentially a lot of their spiritual life rests in my hands.
That is a big deal. It is the most important and crucial part of their life.

Also, Satan is sooooo good at getting us where it will effect us the most and those around us. He makes me believe that I can't do this job. He makes me believe that I am failing. He makes me believe that I am not equipped to teach. He makes me believe that the kids don't like me. He takes away or masks my motivation.

I continually need people to give me success stories, encouragement, and to speak Truth into my life. There is no way we can all do this on our own. Its a huge task that an only be accomplished together. Shoot. I can do anything. You know why I feel this way a lot and think those things? Because I do not spend enough time in prayer or the word. I have the power but for some reason I haven't completely tapped into it!!

To my Greenville Friends. I love you to death. This is a good thing and a bad thing. Let me explain. I LOVED being in Greenville last week. I just like having the company. great company. Friends mean the world to me that is why this is gonna be hard for me....because, I am going to ask you guys to hold me accountable. Don't let me do that ever again. Stay any other day besides friday and saturday. I mean, it would be ok if i did, but I want to be able to do my absolute best at my job...and I can't if i do that again. If that makes sense. I just have been thinking about how much good I can do in the world if I really try and really focus on God. Friends get in the way. Not because of anything they do, but just because I allow them to. They just mean sooo much to me, and I want to be with them always. I do believe that they can help me accomplish and do my best...but only in the right way. I don't want them to become my main priority anymore. Their love and support is always needed and together we can do sooo much good in this world!!

I guess what I am saying is...next time just ask me about my reasons for coming to visit or purpose behind the visit and that I am not slacking off here. I don't want it to be just a job..but my life. It will be hard for me.
It is easy for me to get down about things.

If you ever need accountability or help with your focus and priorities, let me know. I will be glad to encourage and support you as best I can. Remember as Iron sharpens Iron we are to sharpen one another.
I have decided to completely take out things in my life that are not pleasing to God or things that don't further the kingdom of God. They may not necessarily be bad things, but just things that aren't hurting me or benefiting the kingdom. I want my life to be completely God's. Its time I stop talking and really start living it.

Prayers are always appreciated.
Love always. Pray Continually. Serve faithfully.

Da Weekend

So. This weekend has been full of surprises!
I woke up at 6am to go to six flags on saturday. I had a bus full of jr. high and sr. high kids jammin to Lecrae.
We arrived at noon.
I got to ride a whole three rides! The scooby doo ride was my favorite though. I got legit scared at one point, haha. We were going through a dark tunnel and I could here a scary monster on the side!! I rode the ride with my new friend Laura because we were the "bag ladies". We held everyone's stuff while they rode rides. I was a little sad because i LOVE roller coasters and I really wanted to ride all of them. I had to remember that my job here is to make sure they have fun so I was willing to do a lot of sitting. It is a good thing that I had Laura there or else it would have been super boring. We talked the entire time we were waiting for the kids to ride. Laura goes to the Uof I. She was active in the youth group in high school. We were talking about scary movies and how we like to watch them but no one will ever watch them with us...so we were like, lets just go tonight! ha. so we did. We went and saw paranormal activity 3 at midnight which was the time we got back from six flags. The theater was so packed with ghetto people. It was super funny to watch all of them jump and scream throughout the movie. It wasn't as scary as we thought it would be, but it was still good. There was a random/awkward almost sex scene. I hate that. No one told me that was in there. Just a bad judgement call on my end.
I was sick of jr.high girls though! oh.my.gosh. This one girl started crying and saying she wanted to go home. No one knew why...except that she wasn't getting exactly what she wanted. I couldn't handle that. I just told her how it is and to stop crying and enjoy herself.
Im pretty excited about my new friend though. We just really clicked. We literally just met each other as we were walking into six flags and we were going to a movie and hanging out that night :) She invited me to come to Normal, IL sometime and hang out...so I might just do that.
I haven't felt the greatest this weekend. I'm not sure what it is. I just feel tired. I thought it was just because all week I sit behind a desk and don't have much conversation/human interaction. I just hope there isn't something wrong. It's like the symptoms of someone who is low on iron...but I'm not. I had a doctor give me iron pills once before, but I only took them for like a couple weeks. Every time I give blood they tell me my iron is just fine. So, i don't know what it is. I do want it to go away though. I just never feel energized even if i eat right.
Sunday night i was sitting on my bed after coming home from youth group thinking about going to bed early...then I just was sick of not having anyone around to talk to me. When I am not feeling well I just want to sit while having my friends just around. I don't know if that makes sense. So, I figured I could spend 30 bucks to go to greenville...might have to skip a few meals this next week, ha, but it'd be worth it. So i drove down. It felt so nice. Those hugs that I got were the best ones ive got in a LONG time.

For real.
or as I would say...jerks.

Weird like Lactose

This has been a weird week for me.
It started out pretty overwhelming.
Burdens being lifted. Trying to overcome temptations.
I was pretty darn proud of myself. But it wasn't easy.
Also, I think I had a conversation consisting of at most five sentences each day.
That was it.
I need more conversation.
It's weird because before I was always bombarded with people who wanted to talk.
Having one on ones, counseling people, girls barging into your room.
Now. I kinda miss that.

I was asked to speak to a group of old ladies the second tuesday in November.
What about? I have no idea.
I hate speaking. I am not good at it.
I also have to give the message twice in November to the Youth.
Once again. I hate speaking. This is the one thing that turns me away from this job.
I am freaking out a little over it.

I bought my first carton of Lactose free milk.
We shall see if I don't get sick.
I had a Mocha Frappe today.
BAAAD idea.
Let's just say, my tummy hurt and I was in and out of the bathroom.
I still haven't figured out if dairy is the problem, but I think it is.

I might have cried a little thinking about not being able to drink Frozen Mochas anymore.
Shoot dang.

Well, time for bed. No work tomorrow, Yay!
I will sleep in and enjoy it :)

Makin things difficult.

You know that we all have issues with our emotions. We blame things on them, we think we shouldn't feel a certain way, and we think we are being ridiculous. God exhibits a spectrum of pure emotions, including joy, delight, anger, jealousy, and sorrow.
The problem is not that we HAVE emotions, but our emotions, unlike Gods, are taunted by the fall. We can express our emotions in a godly way.
There is no tool that the enemy uses more effectively to lead us into bondage than our emotions. When we allow them to be tied to our circumstances- which are constantly changing- rather than to the unchangeable realities of God and His truth, our emotions are prone to fluctuate wildly.

Just make sure you are:
Living all of life
in the presence of God
under the authority or God
and to the glory of God.

Love hurts. Love heals. Love saves.

Now, the title of this blog is something I've said before, but I believe it holds especially true right now as I write this. Those three short and (bitter) sweet statements is exactly the kind of Love I need right now.


I am super sleepy right now so I hope this all makes sense and is coherent. I hate being sleepy because it not only effects everything I do during the day, but it also makes you more vulnerable and emotional.


I drove home today (weird to say that) to Peoria at 6am. It was rough. I was doing well and then Sleep hit me in the face. Oh it was sooo hard to stay awake for the first part of the trip. The last hour wasn't so bad. I started getting a hold of my "sleepers high". While I was driving and everyone I know still sleeping, I began to pray. I prayed for family members, and each one of my greenville friends that I came into contact with this weekend. It was good. I also felt like what I prayed was meant to be prayed at that moment. It wasn't specific prayer requests that I had been given, but what was on my heart. The Spirit was helping me out a little there and I am very grateful for that because sometimes I don't know what to pray. I just felt this overwhelming feeling of Love on my way home. It was wonderful, don't get me wrong, but something that I don't feel very often so it was a little weird. God did reveal some things to me. Well, they weren't as much as things being "revealed" as they were things I already knew but He brought them up again for the millionth time because He knows its something I need to take care of soon if I want to continue in my pursuit of Holiness. Please pray that I have the strength and courage that only God can give..especially when it comes to admitting and confessing and asking for help.


This weekend was wonderful. I didn't have to drive that far Hallelujah! Oh my gosh. so good. I got to see my favorite people and a few more that I wasn't expecting! I went to a dance party with those favorite people, which I am ALWAYS up for..by the way. My bff from college had her baby while I was there! That lil Janelle knew exactly when I was gonna be there. Me and that kid...were gonna get along just fine :) It is weird though when your friends start having babies. Erin was my first friend to have a baby. A little ahead of schedule I think, well for me anyways, baha. The baby was beautiful and I am super happy for her. It is just weird because it seems like just yesterday Erin and I were in our dorm room late at night chatting about boys and what we will name our children..shoot dang.

First of all, I had a terrible dream last night.


Secondly, I woke up with the phrase "worship while i'm waiting" stuck in my head. I knew it was probably from a song, but I couldn't think of one.


I got in the car to go to work and the radio came on. The words "worship while I'm waiting" came blasting out of the speakers. I just sat there. I listened.


Here are some phrases that stuck out: Every step in obedience
                                                          Bold and confident
                                                          Worship while I'm waiting
                                                          I will not fail
                                                          It's not easy


I have no idea why I had this phrase stuck in my head. I haven't heard this song before...well from what I can remember. I guess in a sense we are all waiting. If we aren't waiting for something specific that God told us, then we are at least all waiting for the coming of our Lord and Savior.


Waiting is hard. So hard. It isn't easy. There is no specific answer or guideline to get through the waiting period. We just have to remain obedient and faithful. We may not know what that looks like exactly, but all we have is today. We have to take it day by day because all we have is today. Tomorrow has not yet come. We need to wake up every morning thanking God we have another day step ahead BOLD and CONFIDENT. We have today to obey. Do you want to screw that up? We have absolutely no guarantee that tomorrow will come. Don't waste today. While you wait for tomorrow, God's calling, future husband, or the return of Christ, we must Worship while we're waiting.


Look up the song While I'm waiting by John Waller

Peoria

Well, I am in Peoria.
It's been weird.
It has not been bad in anyway.
I think it's just been weird for me and a little hard because I have no one to share this experience with. If that makes sense. I mean, I am here by myself where I don't know anyone. I go home to an empty house after work, and don't have anyone to share my day with/my new experiences being here.

Anyways, other than that its been great. I just have to get used to a lot of things. Learning a lot. They throw a million and one things at you when you first arrive. It's different than Little rock because at least there I had my family. This is the first time in my life where I am literally on my own. It is for sure a growing experience and it is forcing me to become a real adult.

I pray everyday that I made the right decision, and that God blesses my days.
Tonight I am going to a homecoming football game. ONe of my small group girls, Gwen, is a cheerleader :)

Hope the weekend treats everyone well.

Grow up or not Grow up...that is the question

I have a job.
I am an employed person.
I am a real adult.

I am soooo scared.
I am having to start all over, again.
What if I disapoint?

I am a horrible person.
I got a speeding ticket today.
My first one. dang it.
I am in big big trouble for it.

Things were going well.
I cried the whole way home because I was so embarrassed/ashamed of my ticket.
I haven't told the parents yet.

I am in distress.
It's a happy time
It's a sad time.
I feel bad for leaving my little brother at home alone.

I should be excited.
I am, really.
I didn't think moving away and being on my own would be this hard.

I can do this.
I think I can...
I think I can...
I think I can.

1 Peter 2:9
But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out ofdarkness into his marvelous light.

Interview

So, 
I have the first part of my interview tomorrow. I am super super super nervous!!!
Here is my schedule in case you want to pray accordingly :)


Saturday Night
6pm- dinner with mom and her daughter
8:30pm- ice cream with youth


Sunday
9:30am- Church service 
10:45- Sunday school with Youth group
1:30pm- Interview with SPR committee
5pm- Youth Group Fall Kick off


Monday
10am- Interview with church staff


Sooooo... prayers would be much appreciated. I just really hope I do well, and I am myself. I don't usually do too well in new/unfamiliar situations. 


God guides, God provides.
Amen. Amen.

Another Climb

I just want to start off by saying that today was a good day. I don't actually get to say that too often...well here in the recent past anyways. I thoroughly enjoyed my day.

I slept in...first good thing.
I had cheesy garlic bread for brunch :)
I watched a million episodes of the cosby show.
I decided to go check out Pinnacle Mountain State Park. It is only twenty minutes from my house. When I got there, I was the only car in the parking lot. I found the trail head and began my hike. It was very pleasant. First of all, it was like 75 degrees outside. perf.
I was the only one on the mountain.It was really different than walkabout, and I LOVED it. ha. I didn't have a 40 pound pack on my back and it was only a couple miles long.
The thing I didn't like about it at first was the fact that I was alone. Not a soul could be seen or heard for miles. Honestly, I got a little scared. You hear noises, and my mind plays tricks. I found a lot of little cool areas that I like to call "pondering places". Areas that you can just sit and take it all in.
I finally made it to the top. Took some photos. I sat at the top of the mountain and read psalm 100-101. It was delightful.

¹ Make a joyful shout to the LORD, all you lands!
 ² Serve the LORD with gladness;
         Come before His presence with singing.
 ³ Know that the LORD, He is God;
         It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves;
         We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.
     
 ⁴ Enter into His gates with thanksgiving,
         And into His courts with praise.
         Be thankful to Him, and bless His name.
 ⁵ For the LORD is good;
         His mercy is everlasting,
         And His truth endures to all generations.


I just sat there and listened. It was peaceful. I had a view of Arkansas River and the other mountain tops. I got called down from the mountain early because Mom made me go get brother from school. I like going back to this idea that Christ had about going to the hillside to pray OR like other biblical figures did, like going to the Mountain to seek God.
I hope to do it again. I will do it again.


The day ended with Mom and I watching the Republican Presidential Candidate Debate. It was actually pretty interesting. I was the commentator at home... ha. Making comments mostly about the people in the background. 

Belly button!

                                              Something's missing from his midriff's decor!

Flea Market Jesus

This is Flea Market Jesus ;) We saw it on our way up to Grama's house in the middle of nowhere arkansas, ha.

Boggle Part 2

Okay, now this is the second part..so read the first part first. Sorry it's long.

 I have been journaling my thoughts. I want to share them with you. They will probably be sporadic and even a little irrational...but remember they are from my journal, that's where those thoughts go. There are some good thoughts though, ha.

"I don't have money in my account to pay my bills. I don't know what I am gonna do. I guess really there is only one thing I can do. TRUST God. He will pay. I will obey. I will stand on the promises of God. Why would I want to stand anywhere else? God. I am very conflicted. I keep hearing the word "faithful" and I know in my head that you are, but sometimes my heart says otherwise. I know that every good thing comes from you. I will take you everywhere. We will conquer and overcome. The Lord is my banner. Be the banner over my finances. Be the banner over my relationships. Be the banner over my job.  I just want to cry. I just want you to tell me what to do. Should I stay? I don't want to leave if the Human Trafficking shelter opens, and they can eventually give me a job. If the Peoria job is given to me, I am gonna have to take it because its all I got right now. I just want to be real with someone...just let it all out and then let them give me a hug. I feel like I never know if I am doing the right thing. Just keep seeking."

"During this fast I want God to renew my vision. Give me a vision. I want to be so close to God that I don't hesitate anymore because I am unsure of something. I woke up this morning, and my first thought was, Oh I will just go down and get food. Nope. Dang it. Well then I will just watch TV. Nope. Dang it. I have to stay focused. ...Last night I couldn't fall asleep. Thoughts invaded my mind!!! ..... food runs my life. Everywhere I turn, its there."

"GOD! SERIOUSLY TELL ME WHAT TO DO OR WHERE TO GO! I mean I don't feel like either choice would be a wrong choice. One has to be better than the other though, right? I am probably making this harder on myself than it needs to be. Why do I always seem to be the  indecisive, jobless, no specific calling person...everyone tells me how great I am and that I'd be good at so many things...then why is it so hard! I mean, I'm not gonna lie, I do think I am a pretty good catch :) for an employer or a boy, ha."

"today mom said I could get a snack from sonic!! of all days!! She never offers that! ugh..."
"I should instead be asking, which job or area could I most glorify God? I don't know.  I have been thinking about what a leader told me one time on a mission trip. She was talking to three of us who had the name Elizabeth. She said, you know your parents named you that for a reason. It was blessed. Just like Elizabeth in the bible discipled and prepared John, who was the one who prepared the way for Christ, YOU will prepare the younger generation, who will be the ones to prepare the way for Christ."

Boggle Part 1

     So, as some of you know I have been doing some serious job searching lately as well as fasting and praying. I believe they all go hand in hand and you can't have one without the other. Here are my thoughts on the last few days. Questions and comments are welcomed :)
     When I felt like I was just at an end, with no where else to go. I had no idea what to do next (job wise). I tried to think of what people in scripture did at those times. I mean, when I say I am at an end, its not quite as serious as in bible times. I did however reflect upon the act of fasting. It was done in times of great need and turmoil. It was a time when people sought out the face of God. They wanted to take away all other distractions and simply focus on the heart of God. You want to simply worship Him during those times you would normally eat. It doesn't mean doing a lot of talking. When you are in tune with God, your hearts beat as one, you will find what you are looking for. This is also the time when Satan attacks. He knows you are vulnerable. He will try to fill your mind with a million thoughts, fill your day with requests from others, unnecessary tasks, etc so that you will be distracted. Many people believe that every christian should attempt a 40 day fast at least once in their lifetime.
     Anyways, so I chose to fast. I really felt like I just needed to take away all distractions and focus on God in order to some what understand His ways and where He is leading me. Let me set up the scene for you. I was approached by a friend on facebook about an opening for a Youth Assistant Director in Peoria. This is a friend that I haven't talked to for three years almost. He is a greenville grad. He said he was just browsing facebook, saw my name, and thought "hmmm...she'd be good for this position. I will ask her."  I really never wanted to get back into Youth ministry, but I wasn't gonna throw it out the window yet. Well, I sent him my resume and said that I would think about it. He responded by saying that the staff was impressed with my resume. The lady in charge is supposed to be calling me soon to give me details and talk to me about possibly coming up Sept. 11 for an interview. I am not dreading this job anymore. I have actually become quite excited about the possibility! Plus, if I did get it and move to Peoria, I would be closer to friends, and be able to get my own place. Still waiting to hear from Linda, the lady in charge.
     The same time this is going on as well, I was contacted by a lady here in Little Rock who is wanting to open a shelter for Human Trafficking victims. I wasn't sure if she would let me help out or not since I don't have a lot of professional experience. We began emailing. I went with Louise to a lunch today. It is a lunch that happens every Thursday and people from nonprofits, churches, businesses etc gather to eat, hear a speaker, and do some networking. It's a great thing. The speaker today was the county sheriff who was awesome! He was also the one who told Louise she could go with a cop the next time he does a prostitution sting..she asked me if I wanted to come along!!! heck yes. Anyways, they were super excited I was there. They want me to help them with getting the word out, developing a curriculum/program to take into the public schools and present to the youth there. I could be good at that. I have always wanted to work with Human Trafficking! BUT the down side is they can't pay me to do it. I would have to find a job somewhere else and volunteer for them. I haven't found another job yet.
   Question: Do I stay here or go there? I mean, I haven't officially been offered the other job yet so who knows it might be an easy answer. It still frustrates/makes me a nervous wreck.

The Lord is my Banner

Read Exodus 17:8-15
Ancient armies carried standards or banners that served as marks of identification and as symbols that embodied the ideals if a people. It could be seen from afar serving as a rallying point before battle or as an announcement of a victory already won. When you pray to Yaweh Nissi (the lord is my banner) you are praying to the God who is powerful enough to overcome any foe. Because they embodied the the ideals and aspirations of whoever carried them, banners aroused devotion to a cause, nation, or leader. If you picture the amalekites as a symbol of all the forces that oppose God, you begin to realize the spiritual battles that still face us. Just as the Israelites were freed from their bondage to Egypt, we are freed from bondage to sin and Satan the moment we surrender ourselves to Christ. But we still face countless battles on our way to the promised land of heaven. Some of the worst of these are internal, as we struggle to overcome the dividing wall in our own souls, a kind of spiritual ambivalence that makes us easy prey for our enemies. Today as you face battles, remember to hold up high the banner of God's power, knowing that he alone gives the victory no matter how fierce the enemy!

God,
You are my banner. I WILL hold you up in front for the world to see...let them know whose side I am on and that nothing will stand in our way. Nothing will stand in the way of God. We WILL conquer. I thank you for raising your banner over me as I face spiritual battles if many kinds. Help me to be confident of your protection, to fight with your power, to prevail in your strength. Yaweh Nissi, may your victory be TOTAL and COMPLETE , destroying whatever stands in the way of your plans and purposes.
Amen

Facing the Silence

Well I made it back from the mountains. The mountain top is always an experience...sometimes good and sometimes bad. Being on the mountain allows you time of solitude. People these days don't like solitude or have no idea what it means to be silent with no distractions.

Here are my thoughts while on the mountain:
 "This is a time and space to attend to what was real in my life — to celebrate the joys, grieve the losses, sit with my questions, attend to my loneliness, shed my tears — and allow God to be with me in those places.  This was not primarily a time for problem-solving or fixing — because not everything can be fixed or solved. It was a time just to "keep still" and wait for God to accomplish what was most needed in my life. It was a very deep kind of rest indeed.  We are entering into a year of leadership. One of the most sobering truths about life in leadership is that I can be very busy and look very important, yet be out of touch with that place in the center of my being where I know who I am in God and what he has called me to do — that place where I am responsive to the voice of God above all others'. When this happens, I am at the mercy of all manner of external and internal forces, tossed and turned by others' expectations and my inner compulsions. This inner emptiness then becomes the source of frenetic activity that is untethered from any kind of grounding in God. This is not a good situation for a leader to be in.  Over the years, I have learned that my greatest need as a human being and as a spiritual leader is to experience God's unconditional love and presence beyond all that I do for him. I need to hear a voice that is not my own speaking those things that I most need to hear. In the regular practice of solitude, God's unconditional love and presence becomes the bedrock of my being, the unshakeable foundation of my true identity and calling. God's transforming presence experienced in solitude is deeply restorative, enlivening my leadership and enabling me to bring fresh energy and deeper wisdom to the responsibilities before me.  There is rarely a good time for extended solitude in the life of a leader; there is only the right time. On many occasions, when my spirit has been willing but my schedule has been weak, Emilie Griffin's words have provided a kick in the you-know-what:

When there is no time to do it, that's when you most need to unclutter the calendar and go apart to pray. When the gridlock in your schedule relentlessly forbids it is the time you most need retreat. That is when your heart beats against the prison walls of your enslavement and says, "Yes, Lord, I want to spend time with you."

Also, Here is a quote I found that speaks truth about solitude and why it is so hard for us.
"The stillness of solitude brings clarity to more than just our knowledge of God. It also awakens our awareness of our own hearts. And that’s perhaps why we avoid it. We run from solitude to the degree that we run from ourselves. For solitude opens the window to your soul and releases all that has been quietly sealed up and hidden away inside. We fear what might be there, lurking in the dark, hidden by our busy lives—sorrow, loneliness, desperation, grief, and weariness. But we do not understand that God’s call to solitude is not a call to go off by ourselves to face our struggles alone. It’s the call to come away with Him, so that He can minister to our souls and give us the healing gift of Himself. “Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. All of you, take up My yoke and learn from Me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for yourselves” (Matt. 11:28-29).

 Rather than using solitude as a means to escape the world, it becomes the means by which the kingdom of God is brought into the world. For we become the vessels through which His power and glory are expressed."

What is my life

Summer time. Sweet sweet summer time.
A lot has happened this summer. I mean, that is usually the case.

I worked at Durley for a week. Discovered the true side to some people and letting God reveal the beautiful side of people. I was sad to leave there because I had just began to make friends and didn't want to leave.

I was off to SOS when I got back from camp. I love SOS. I worked on a roof with some 12 year olds, and let me tell you...I don't know what was more difficult...the roof or the 12 year olds. hahaha.

I went to Greenville for the wonderful wedding of my awesome friends, Tim and Annie. They both had the biggest smiles plastered on their faces the entire time. Love is great. I wish them the best. It was also great to see friends that I haven't seen in a long time. It brought back a lot of memories...good and bad. Once again, it was sad to part ways. It was like a tease.

I also got to know a new friend even better. I like making new friends. Especially ones in which I believe God brought to me for a reason...and believing we will be friends for a long long time.

But most of all this summer brings to mind two words...JOB SEARCH. as well as two emotions...FRUSTRATION and DISAPOINTMENT.  I have spent ALL summer looking for a job. I need one really really bad. This is the most crucial time to do as the good old hymn says...Trust and Obey for there is no other way. I am doing my best. I never imagined myself having this much trouble finding a job. Growing up you just have a completely different picture in your head of how you think everything is going to go. I do have a problem with thinking its my fault when something doesn't go right or it seems like everything is going wrong...I blame myself for all of it thinking I had failed. I had failed and missed what God was trying to show me/give me.

I got home from greenville to find my first bill. My school loans have come back to haunt me. I opened it..and started to cry. I don't have money to pay it right now....but this is exactly the time to not panic and run in circles, but to stop and drop...gettin on those knees to speak to the one who is all knowing and all loving.

Anyways, its still a struggle and a journey. I know and believe things will get better especially because I know there are others out there who care enough to pray and trust right along side me :)

What next?

Sometimes it is really hard to "wait" and "trust". There are just some things that I want soooo badly, and they are currently the desires of my heart. They aren't too much to ask for and are quite simple, but I am not sure that it will ever happen. It makes me sad. God knows the desires of my heart, he knows what lies ahead, He knows what will work best...even though I think that they would be really really good for me and work well...who knows, but God. I just wish I understood and I could see the whole picture sometimes.

At this moment, I am frustrated. BECAUSE... it seems like everyone around me has at least part of their life figured out. I know it may not be true, but thats the way it appears. It seems like they know what they want to do with their lives...i don't. I have no idea. I don't know what to do, but wait. I am not sure how to be proactive about it either, or if I should.

Im not gonna lie, I get caught up in the past a lot and in relationships..that makes it harder

I pray that I just don't miss out and simply live a life worthy of my calling and glorifying to my God.

Hot Cones and Snow Dogs

First of all, Snow cones are God's gift to mankind. I will eat them any time of the day at any time of the year!! LOVE them. I think I have had one every day this week so far.

Secondly, the brothers and I would like to open up a snowcone/hotdog stand this summer :) ha. We would call it Hot cones and snow dogs or Cone Dogs and hot snow...we haven't quite figured out which one we like better :)

"Are you upset little friend? Have you been lying awake worrying? Well, don't worry...I'm here. The flood waters will recede, the famine will end, the sun will shine tomorrow, and I will always be here to take care of you." -Charlie Brown to Snoopy

O God, you have bound us together in common life. Help us in the midst of our struggles for justice and truth, to confront one another without hatred or bitterness, and to work together with mutual forbearance and respect. Father, who has taught us in your holy word that you do not willingly afflict or grieve the children of men: Look with pity upon the sorrows of your servant for whom our prayers are offered. Remember us, O Lord, in mercy, nourish my soul with patience, comfort me with a sense of your goodness, lift up your countenance upon me, and give me peace. I entrust all who are dear to me to your never failing care and love, for this life and the life to come, knowing that you are doing for them better things than I can desire or pray for. Direct me O Lord, in all my doings with your most gracious favor, and further me with your continual help; that in all my works, they would begin, continue, and end with you. The meek are guided in judgment, and light riseth up in darkness for the godly; Grant me, in all my doubts and uncertainties, the grace to ask what you should have me to do, that the Spirit of wisdom may save me from all falst choices, and that in your light we may see light and in your straight path may not stumble.
  Amen

Sometimes I try too hard to color inside the lines

So, yesterday was pretty good. I did absolutely nothing, and then in that case I guess all my weekends should be pretty good because I do nothing every weekend. Last night after supper I came up to my room and sat in my bed... I watched a million episodes of Bones and Criminal Minds while I colored in my Batman coloring book. I was trying to color pictures for a bunch of people and then I was gonna send it to them with a message written on it. I believe I was up till like four this morning doing that. No worries, I had chips and donuts and lemonade for sustenance.

I still haven't gotten out of bed. I didn't finish my episodes, so that's what I will do all day today too. I discovered that while coloring I try soooo hard to stay inside the lines. Sometimes the crayon isn't sharp enough and so it begins to get harder to do that, then when I do accidentally get outside the lines I get mad and disappointed. I begin to think "crap, its ruined. They are gonna hate it now and think I'm a horrible colorer".  Then I realized that what I just did there in coloring, I do in life. I try soooo hard to be a certain someone whether its for me, others, or God. We all go through phases where we rotate who we are trying to please, even though we know it should always be God. Anyways, in the midst of that pressure to be a certain someone, I mess up, I get outside the lines. It could be real small, it could be the only time in a long time, it doesn't matter. You begin to fear what "they" might think. You might try to cover up your mistake or make it fit some how in the picture, but it will always be there. What if the person won't accept the picture with the error? Doubt. Doubting who you are. Doubting who they are. Doubting who God is. If they are truly your friends, they will love it no matter what. BUT there are those people out there you will come into contact with who won't. Learn to move on and begin to color another picture or find someone else who will take it :)
Just like little kids. I get to watch them color a lot. They try their hardest to color outside the lines, or at least that is what it seems like, ha. They don't care and still we look at that picture and say "oh, I love it".

Right now, I have accidentally colored outside the lines, and I don't know how to fix it or make it work. I am weak. I am asking, if anyone reads this to say a prayer for me. I'm not asking you to say you will pray and then let it leave your mind or forget about it. Because I really need it. I don't mind being completely honest here what do I have to lose.

I'm afraid. I'm really afraid. Where I am at right now in life, isn't where I expected to find myself . I have great plans to do great things...but for now I'm here. I don't like waiting. I don't feel like the same person I once was. I feel like I've lost something, but I can't quite figure out what it is. Anyways, I could go on forever...but I shan't

Energy Drinks and Condoms

Today at work was probably the most boring day of my life. I came in, sat down in a chair, and filed papers for six hours. I have a million and one paper cuts. My knuckles are bleeding. I need lotion and band-aids.

While I was being seated in my chair, I over heard some ladies on the other side of the office talking about valentines day. Everyone in the office is going to decorate a brown paper bag and we will give out office valentine cards. woopty doo. Anyways, Tiffany and Stacey shouted, " well you know what we are putting in everyone's bag, Condoms and five hour energy drinks."  They couldn't see my face, but my eyes were wide open and my jaw had dropped. What the heck? First of all, these people cuss waaaay too much. They talk dirty all the time, and this is only proof of that. I don't know why everything has to be so sexual all the time. Makes me awkward.

Secondly, I was invited again for the billionth time to go out for some shots after work. Once again, I declined the offer. They all think I'm a goody goody girl. One, I work at church, and we all sign something saying we won't drink while being employed by the Church. Secondly, I don't see the reason why I should drink in the first place. Now my view on drinking alcohol is different than a lot of people in today's society. It's not something that  helps me to make a lot of friends. I just don't see the point I guess. It's a waste of money. Alcoholism has been in the fam, and so who knows. One drink, and I could be addicted. Why even take that chance? There are actually other things I would rather drink, like dr.pepper or a slushie. Also, I just don't feel right giving money to companies that give people opportunities to harm themselves. I admit there are some people out there who do take control of their drinking and they know how much is too much, they have self control, BUT there are also a lot of people out there who aren't like that. They do not have self control and need help. I am just real BIG on community and helping my brothers and sisters out any way I can. I don't want to be the cause of someone stumbling either bc I invited them to drink, drank with them, or just supported the company that made their drink. I don't know. I have a lot of other thoughts on it too. John Wesley was a HUGE advocate for getting rid of all alcohol because it was a huge problem for christian people and why even take chances. We need to do everything we can to help each other out.

Anyways, I haven't told all these reasons to the people at work. They can be kind of rude towards Christians, so I will refrain until the right moment comes up. I don't know exactly what I will do with my condom and energy drink I get for valentines day. I don't really want to bring that home and have mom, dad, or brothers accidentally find that somewhere! ah! awkward. Okay. I'll let ya know how that all goes.

Tune in next time for...idk

My Heart Feels Heavy

"I don't know what's happening around me, but there's a buzz and I can't seem to enjoy it.

The girl who revelled in anything that would make her buzz now feels like she's sitting back and watching the world go by without being able to include herself in it.

There was a time not long ago that I wasn't scared of anything, but now? Now, I feel like I can't do anything. Each day comes and goes and its like I haven't done a thing but I'm exhausted by it. Friends tell me about their daily lives, I live through them. But I can't share that enthusiasm that I was able to before. What's happened to me?

Each day I still think about "him" and how he is, what he's doing? I'm sure he's ok, I haven't heard otherwise. I sometimes wonder what would happen in years to come. How would I feel if I were to see him again"

this is actually the first blog I looked at today after talking to a good friend about where my heart is at right now and how we can help my heart to heal...AND this was exactly what I said to her...basically.

Where is Waldo?

God can be compared to Waldo in those famous books Where is Waldo.

People most often struggle in their spiritual walk because they find God hard to find sometimes, or they feel that he is not there and they don't understand why they can't feel him.

Just like Waldo, you know he is in the picture somewhere. We are assured of this by the author. When you find him, you have a sense of joy and accomplishment.

Developing the capacity and ability to track down him down is the point of the book. If Waldo was giant in every page, no one would buy the book. The difficulty of the task is what increases your power of discernment.

Part of what makes finding Waldo so hard is that he is so ORDINARY looking. because on the last page of the book he is always hidden amongst a million other Waldo look a likes. You could be looking right at him and not even realize it.

Shoot, let EVERY day and EVERY moment of your life be like another one of these pages. God is there! scripture tells us so. But the ease of finding God varies with each page of your life.

Sometimes its hard to find God because he is so ordinary looking. We aren't looking in the right places.

God maybe present, but people aren't thinking of him quite as often as they did like when the Jordan or Red sea was being parted. The heavens may still be declaring the glory of God, but the people are channel surfing...if ya know what I mean.

Thoughts from my heart today.

Love is a hard thing.

Once you find True Love or you thought you did. It's hard to forget it or get over.

You always wonder " was there something else I could have done"

You also wonder "will I ever find it again"

Is it too late? Can it still be saved?!

Love hurts. Love heals. Love saves.

Teenagers, Basketball, Single men, and Sonic.

I think it will be really good for me to get involved with the youth. To be honest...sometimes I feel like I fit in better with them than I do in the adult world. Maybe its because I am a silly person and I love to be silly just like high schoolers do..BUT I also know when to be serious. I guess thats the main difference between me and the high shcoolers, ha.Anyways, they are just a lot of fun and they make me laugh which hasn't happened to often the last week or two. Tonight at youth bible study, the girl Leah who is a sophomore, just makes me laugh ALL the time. I look over at one point and she is like hovering over her plate of pretzels so much so her face is almost touching her plate. It was a serious moment and I probably shouldn't have laughed but I did. She is also the girl who loves to talk and once said, " we are looking for someone is creative, fun, energetic, cool...wait, what am I saying..You're Elizabeth..of course" haha. I was like Leah. We have only been friends for like two days..but it was really nice of her to say that.

I also saw a group of really cute guys playing basketball at church ;) ha. I was late to bible study because I was just taking my time walking through the gym to the kitchen to get ice. Maybe I'll start playing basketball, ha. Just saying...

Anyways, today was a good day. No complaints except that I wish I could have slept in. I had lunch at sonic and God time in my car after i ate my sonic.  It was good. The song "What do I know of Holy" by Addison Road really hit me. It made me cry because it just really spoke to my heart today. Especially the line  If you touched my face, would I know you?  that line speaks of God and I just started thinking about, What if I miss God at some point during the day...I don't wanna miss out on anything. I want to recognize God in everything everywhere.

Ok, blogging is not for sermons :) I will save that for another time. Well, I love God and I love people...what more could I ask for. It all comes down to Love.