Okay, now this is the second part..so read the first part first. Sorry it's long.
I have been journaling my thoughts. I want to share them with you. They will probably be sporadic and even a little irrational...but remember they are from my journal, that's where those thoughts go. There are some good thoughts though, ha.
"I don't have money in my account to pay my bills. I don't know what I am gonna do. I guess really there is only one thing I can do. TRUST God. He will pay. I will obey. I will stand on the promises of God. Why would I want to stand anywhere else? God. I am very conflicted. I keep hearing the word "faithful" and I know in my head that you are, but sometimes my heart says otherwise. I know that every good thing comes from you. I will take you everywhere. We will conquer and overcome. The Lord is my banner. Be the banner over my finances. Be the banner over my relationships. Be the banner over my job. I just want to cry. I just want you to tell me what to do. Should I stay? I don't want to leave if the Human Trafficking shelter opens, and they can eventually give me a job. If the Peoria job is given to me, I am gonna have to take it because its all I got right now. I just want to be real with someone...just let it all out and then let them give me a hug. I feel like I never know if I am doing the right thing. Just keep seeking."
"During this fast I want God to renew my vision. Give me a vision. I want to be so close to God that I don't hesitate anymore because I am unsure of something. I woke up this morning, and my first thought was, Oh I will just go down and get food. Nope. Dang it. Well then I will just watch TV. Nope. Dang it. I have to stay focused. ...Last night I couldn't fall asleep. Thoughts invaded my mind!!! ..... food runs my life. Everywhere I turn, its there."
"GOD! SERIOUSLY TELL ME WHAT TO DO OR WHERE TO GO! I mean I don't feel like either choice would be a wrong choice. One has to be better than the other though, right? I am probably making this harder on myself than it needs to be. Why do I always seem to be the indecisive, jobless, no specific calling person...everyone tells me how great I am and that I'd be good at so many things...then why is it so hard! I mean, I'm not gonna lie, I do think I am a pretty good catch :) for an employer or a boy, ha."
"today mom said I could get a snack from sonic!! of all days!! She never offers that! ugh..."
"I should instead be asking, which job or area could I most glorify God? I don't know. I have been thinking about what a leader told me one time on a mission trip. She was talking to three of us who had the name Elizabeth. She said, you know your parents named you that for a reason. It was blessed. Just like Elizabeth in the bible discipled and prepared John, who was the one who prepared the way for Christ, YOU will prepare the younger generation, who will be the ones to prepare the way for Christ."