Always have, Always will

Part of me is the prodigal
Part of me is the other brother
But I think the heart of me
Is really somewhere between them
Some days I'm running wild
Some days I'm reconciled
But I wonder all the while
Why you put up with me when. . .

I'm caught in the trappings of
My search for lasting love
I've made mistakes enough to last me a lifetime
I still sip, I still fall
But I'll always run back to You
I'm gonna keep trusting You
I see what You've seen me through
I'm goin' where You have gone
I'm letting You lead me on

These lyrics really resonated with me yesterday after church. We had a guest speaker, Grant Norsworthy. He is was a member of the band Sonic Flood. Now he travels around speaking to different groups and he still sings. He gave a great message. He hit us all where it hurt..where we needed to be hit. 

I have become so much more aware of the sin in my life. We all need to become more sensitive to evil in this world. We get so use to seeing it and even participating in it that we don't realize anymore how bad it really is. Even the little things, like what we watch on tv or what music we listen to. Even if we let a few cuss words slip out. Sure they may not be "that" bad...but when you think about the fact that we were made to praise and worship Christ all the time. We fill those small moments of our lives with those little evils that sneak in. We are supposed to continually have praises on our lips...do you? You just called someone a bitch. Do you really want to go and praise Jesus with that same mouth. You just watched a show on tv where it was filled with sexual inuendos, promiscuity, rape, murder, etc. Just because you are watching it doesn't mean is ok. Do you want to give that mind that is now full of those images, to your God?  Our bodies are a temple, it is where Christ dwells. We are squeezing him in there with all those other small evils that we participate in. Whatever we sing and watch, Jesus sings and watches. We are ambassadors of Christ. Do you represent him well? just askin.

These are just thoughts that have been bugging me. I am not perfect. I wander. Just like the lyrics above. I go back and forth. I may have these thoughts again sometime and thats just because i have failed to apply certain Truths to my life. Anyways, just something to think about. 

Also, my Pastor and his wife lost their son last night unexpectedly. He was only in his early thirties. I have gotten close to Pastor Bob since being here and so this is just really devastating for the whole staff. If you could say a prayer that'd be great. 

I hope everyone has a wonderful thanksgiving! Remember to love those around you.

Oh the Joys

So...I REALLY do not want to be back in Peoria. I have some feelings/emotions about it that I am not sure if it is something I should speak out loud about a lot because I am not sure if it is still me being "new" at this or if I am really not happy. But for some reason this time when i came back from Greenville I just had a stronger dislike towards going back to Peoria than I have had before. I am not sure why. I mean being in Peoria isn't a bad thing, its not horrible. It probably is just the whole "loneliness" part that gets to me and sometimes I don't even realize it. I should be happy. I mean I am. I have a job for crying out loud, and I am proud of that fact. It's just now when people ask me how my job is going, I tell them, good. THen they ask, "well do you just absolutely love your job?"  I don't know how to respond to that. I do like it. I don't know that i love it. Its hard for me to answer that question for people with excitement. It's weird. I don't really want to share this with people because then I feel like I look like fool. I think part of the reason why I don't love it yet is because I am not completely confident yet in my abilities and position.
Oh the joys of ministry and Oh the joys of first jobs and Oh the joys of being an adult.

So...this weekend. I came to greenville, got in a car wreck, car wouldn't start, people lost my rent check, dealing with insurance, being sick, mom and dad mad, me being irresponsible, paying for speeding ticket, missing out on my responsibilites...but overall it was a good weekend. just full of surprises good and bad.

Rain Rain Go Away!

First off, I am not liking this weather one bit. Not ONE bit. Its been cold and rainy for the last three days!! shoot dang.

Secondly, last night I had some really good Skype conversations. Conversations that needed to happen. Makes me feel "real" and important when someone is intentional with me even if it is over Skype.

I am still new at this job and you kind of learn on the job, which I don't like sometimes because I like knowing things in advance so I don't look so stupid. Anyways, so there are still lots of new things I have yet to do/learn. I am going to be doing a lot of that up til Christmas! buh. So I have lots of nervous energy.

When talking last night on Skype the part of the conversation that stuck with me was when we were talking about best friends. As a lot of people know this is the area where I have issues and sometimes still feel immature about. I had said that sometimes I just get this overwhelming feeling of a need/desire to be somebody's best friend. I wanted someone to give me that label and position bc I can't remember the last time someone called me their best friend. Anyways, we ended up just talking about how it must make God really sad to see our pursuit of love and acceptance of people and things of this world. It reminded me of a time in High school where people "forgot" to invite me to a party they were having. I was so mad bc that wasn't the first time. So I found out where it was located and decided to drive myself over there and teach them a lesson ;) baha. So, I was on my way over when a thought/image just hit me like a smack in the face. I felt God saying "You see how this upset you. You see how you yearn for their affection and attention. THAT is exactly how I am with you right now."  It hit me hard. I stopped the car. Turned around. Drove back home.

Just some thoughts.
Also I got really excited today about Kat coming to thanksgiving with us. We are going to grandmas. Grandmas is hilarious. Most people would think its boring. Yes, we do get bored. Its in the middle of nowhere BUT my family is hilarious. All we do is laugh. It is an adventure at Grandmas house. I am excited about showing off my family to her because I think they are the best. I hope she doesn't get scared away though. ha. They are a little loud ;) Grandma does like to joke around with the grand kids boyfriends or girlfriends.

Like this last time my cousin Ana brought her boyfriend to visit. Grandma greeted him at the door and said "Sorry son, Im not drunk. That doesn't usually happen til like 11pm." bahaha. She tries to joke around. BUT sometimes grandma can seem a little unsteady bc she has Parkinsons so she jokes about it.

Hope this week is a good one.

Missin You

 

I meant to do this several days ago. Today is pretty close to the day that he died. I was missing him a lot today. I was thinking about when I was at grandmas house last week and how John Patrick wasn't there to greet me at the door and how James, this random guy that lives with grandma and grandpa, has his room now and has just trashed it. It made me so mad. I included a bit about him below. I did my speech on him once in high school. Please just take a few minutes to get to know him because he was wonderful. He is in heaven where he is perfect and can completely function. I can't wait to see him like that!! with a new mind and a new body. Shoot, I'm crying just thinking bout that day.

(this is written like if my mom was reading it to me)
"John Patrick Murphy died at age 31 from a rare form of childhood cancer. this form of cancer had no known cures. Some radiation may have helped, but he could not hold still enough to use the treatment. They tried some chemo, but it did not help at all. He was diagnosed in August and died in November. John had Down’s syndrome. He was taken into our home at age 4 while we lived near Albany N.Y., and remained with us until he died at 31. He was considered a foster child, but we were his family. His biological parents let us take him to Arkansas when we moved. He was about 10. John was number 6 of seven children with his biological family. His mother had had 12 miscarriages in between all these. His father was an alcoholic, and his mother didn't feel the home life was a good place for someone like John, so she put him in a catholic children's home, and that is where we received him as a foster child. John was fully irish with bright red hair. He attended special schools up until he was about 17 and then he began working in the Baxter Day Service center in Mtn. Home. This he did until his passing. It gave him a little pay check and a sense of purpose. He also participated in Special Olympics for many years. Mostly in some running, and maybe a softball throw events. He really looked forward to these and was very proud to participate. He loved eating at McDonalds! He loved watching T.V. His favorite shows were Lavern and Shirley and Happy Days. John loved and was so proud of all his nieces and nephews. He especially enjoyed visiting with you because you talked to him on his level and liked alot of the same shows on t.v. and eating at the same restaurants. You were very patient with him. He loved church and always sang with great gusto even though he couldn't carry a tune at all. This never bothered him. He loved playing Buddy Barrel in his church. This was when all the children would come and place their missionary offerings. He was very happy and loved the Lord. He was always the first to greet us at the door when any of us ever came home. And we can't forget that one of his distinct characteristics was sitting indian style and carrying on a conversation with his socks waving in front of him. He was an inspiration to all his friends at the day service center, and many attended his funeral."


Oh Uncle John how you made me laugh all the time! We would watch parent trap together :) I really enjoyed that. I was the only grand child that would just sit and hang out with him. 


Love you John Patrick. 

So we are doing Forgotten God in sunday school. I was nervous about it because they didn't seem interested and I am a horrible teacher. I spent the morning in prayer about it all before sunday school which was a really good time for me. After Sunday school Mitchell came up to me and said "thanks, that was really good." Ah man, thats all I needed to hear!

Also, I am moving on up in the blogging world. I have now had more posts than Megan Van de Loo for the months of Sept. Oct. AND Nov. :)  Anyways, not that big of a deal. Oh well, maybe that just means she is doing more with her life :)

Good Forgotten God quotes

“When we allow others’ perceptions of us (or even our perceptions of their perceptions!) to control how we live, we are enslaved.”


“But it’s absolutely vital to grasp that He didn’t call you there so you could settle in and live out your life in comfort and superficial peace.  His purposes are not random or arbitrary.  If you are still alive on this planet, it’s because He has something for you to do.”


“Jesus suffered  grueling death so that I could have the amazing gift of the Holy Spirit.  How dare I take this for granted.”


“Yet whether consciously or not, we essentially say to God, ‘I know You raised Christ from the dead; but the fact is my problems are just too much for You and I need to deal with them by myself.”


“When I read the book of Acts, I see the church as an unstoppable force.”


“In other words, when we stock up on knowledge without applying it to our lives, we are actually sinning.  You would think that learning more about God would be a good thing…and it can be.  But when we gain knowledge about God without responding to Him or assimilating His truth into our lives, then it is not a good thing.  According to the Bible, it’s sin.  May we not merely gain knowledge.  Instead, as we learn, may we grow and confess and change more into the people we’ve been created to be by the power of the Holy Spirit, who dwells within us.”

Time to get Serious

I am terrified.
Today I had a thought.
I am in charge of making disciples out of the kids in the youth group. Essentially a lot of their spiritual life rests in my hands.
That is a big deal. It is the most important and crucial part of their life.

Also, Satan is sooooo good at getting us where it will effect us the most and those around us. He makes me believe that I can't do this job. He makes me believe that I am failing. He makes me believe that I am not equipped to teach. He makes me believe that the kids don't like me. He takes away or masks my motivation.

I continually need people to give me success stories, encouragement, and to speak Truth into my life. There is no way we can all do this on our own. Its a huge task that an only be accomplished together. Shoot. I can do anything. You know why I feel this way a lot and think those things? Because I do not spend enough time in prayer or the word. I have the power but for some reason I haven't completely tapped into it!!

To my Greenville Friends. I love you to death. This is a good thing and a bad thing. Let me explain. I LOVED being in Greenville last week. I just like having the company. great company. Friends mean the world to me that is why this is gonna be hard for me....because, I am going to ask you guys to hold me accountable. Don't let me do that ever again. Stay any other day besides friday and saturday. I mean, it would be ok if i did, but I want to be able to do my absolute best at my job...and I can't if i do that again. If that makes sense. I just have been thinking about how much good I can do in the world if I really try and really focus on God. Friends get in the way. Not because of anything they do, but just because I allow them to. They just mean sooo much to me, and I want to be with them always. I do believe that they can help me accomplish and do my best...but only in the right way. I don't want them to become my main priority anymore. Their love and support is always needed and together we can do sooo much good in this world!!

I guess what I am saying is...next time just ask me about my reasons for coming to visit or purpose behind the visit and that I am not slacking off here. I don't want it to be just a job..but my life. It will be hard for me.
It is easy for me to get down about things.

If you ever need accountability or help with your focus and priorities, let me know. I will be glad to encourage and support you as best I can. Remember as Iron sharpens Iron we are to sharpen one another.
I have decided to completely take out things in my life that are not pleasing to God or things that don't further the kingdom of God. They may not necessarily be bad things, but just things that aren't hurting me or benefiting the kingdom. I want my life to be completely God's. Its time I stop talking and really start living it.

Prayers are always appreciated.
Love always. Pray Continually. Serve faithfully.