My Heart Feels Heavy

"I don't know what's happening around me, but there's a buzz and I can't seem to enjoy it.

The girl who revelled in anything that would make her buzz now feels like she's sitting back and watching the world go by without being able to include herself in it.

There was a time not long ago that I wasn't scared of anything, but now? Now, I feel like I can't do anything. Each day comes and goes and its like I haven't done a thing but I'm exhausted by it. Friends tell me about their daily lives, I live through them. But I can't share that enthusiasm that I was able to before. What's happened to me?

Each day I still think about "him" and how he is, what he's doing? I'm sure he's ok, I haven't heard otherwise. I sometimes wonder what would happen in years to come. How would I feel if I were to see him again"

this is actually the first blog I looked at today after talking to a good friend about where my heart is at right now and how we can help my heart to heal...AND this was exactly what I said to her...basically.

Where is Waldo?

God can be compared to Waldo in those famous books Where is Waldo.

People most often struggle in their spiritual walk because they find God hard to find sometimes, or they feel that he is not there and they don't understand why they can't feel him.

Just like Waldo, you know he is in the picture somewhere. We are assured of this by the author. When you find him, you have a sense of joy and accomplishment.

Developing the capacity and ability to track down him down is the point of the book. If Waldo was giant in every page, no one would buy the book. The difficulty of the task is what increases your power of discernment.

Part of what makes finding Waldo so hard is that he is so ORDINARY looking. because on the last page of the book he is always hidden amongst a million other Waldo look a likes. You could be looking right at him and not even realize it.

Shoot, let EVERY day and EVERY moment of your life be like another one of these pages. God is there! scripture tells us so. But the ease of finding God varies with each page of your life.

Sometimes its hard to find God because he is so ordinary looking. We aren't looking in the right places.

God maybe present, but people aren't thinking of him quite as often as they did like when the Jordan or Red sea was being parted. The heavens may still be declaring the glory of God, but the people are channel surfing...if ya know what I mean.

Thoughts from my heart today.

Love is a hard thing.

Once you find True Love or you thought you did. It's hard to forget it or get over.

You always wonder " was there something else I could have done"

You also wonder "will I ever find it again"

Is it too late? Can it still be saved?!

Love hurts. Love heals. Love saves.

Teenagers, Basketball, Single men, and Sonic.

I think it will be really good for me to get involved with the youth. To be honest...sometimes I feel like I fit in better with them than I do in the adult world. Maybe its because I am a silly person and I love to be silly just like high schoolers do..BUT I also know when to be serious. I guess thats the main difference between me and the high shcoolers, ha.Anyways, they are just a lot of fun and they make me laugh which hasn't happened to often the last week or two. Tonight at youth bible study, the girl Leah who is a sophomore, just makes me laugh ALL the time. I look over at one point and she is like hovering over her plate of pretzels so much so her face is almost touching her plate. It was a serious moment and I probably shouldn't have laughed but I did. She is also the girl who loves to talk and once said, " we are looking for someone is creative, fun, energetic, cool...wait, what am I saying..You're Elizabeth..of course" haha. I was like Leah. We have only been friends for like two days..but it was really nice of her to say that.

I also saw a group of really cute guys playing basketball at church ;) ha. I was late to bible study because I was just taking my time walking through the gym to the kitchen to get ice. Maybe I'll start playing basketball, ha. Just saying...

Anyways, today was a good day. No complaints except that I wish I could have slept in. I had lunch at sonic and God time in my car after i ate my sonic.  It was good. The song "What do I know of Holy" by Addison Road really hit me. It made me cry because it just really spoke to my heart today. Especially the line  If you touched my face, would I know you?  that line speaks of God and I just started thinking about, What if I miss God at some point during the day...I don't wanna miss out on anything. I want to recognize God in everything everywhere.

Ok, blogging is not for sermons :) I will save that for another time. Well, I love God and I love people...what more could I ask for. It all comes down to Love.

San Juan De Atacuari, Columbia

So today I began to really miss Columbia and being with the Amazonas. A lady at work just got back from Bolivia, and it just reminded me so much of when I was in Columbia. I went on a medical mission trip the summer of 2007. The village was right off the Amazon river. I basically played with the kids and then helped out in the pharmacy. It was awesome! Except that one photo...don't think that baby was too happy, ha. We also had several services where the whole village came and people accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior...very powerful stuff. It was especially powerful because I was praying in english for these people as they were praying in Spanish, but yet we still understood each other. So cool. The picture of the blue and yellow boat..that is the boat we traveled on. We had an EIGHT hour boat ride down the amazon river!! shoot...that tiny thing with like twenty people and our luggage. I almost went crazy and I had sea legs afterwards, ha or more like "river" legs. We saw pink dolphins in the river. They are the only freshwater dolphins. Also, they had to keep reminding us not to stick our hands in the water because of piranhas :)  we did go piranha fishing at one point. We didn't realize that would be our dinner, ha. That was my first piranha and fish head meal. I didn't really eat it. The children were wonderful! We helped so many people because we brought a doctor and a dentist. We were even there just in time as a lady went into labor! It was very interesting because some of these families traveled days on the river just to come to us, and this one girl about 15 lost her baby while they were on the river coming. It was sooo sad. We prayed with her, but then it was that afternoon when the other lady went into labor. We saw God give and take away. I want to go back someday. I hope they are all doing well, I really do. 

My Life Goal has changed.It is now...

 To Someday Hug a Panda. 

Scripture for the Month

Psalm 103


"... bless the Lord O my soul and forget not all his benefits, 
who forgives all your iniquity, 
who heals all your diseases, 
who redeems your life from the pit, 
who crowns you with steadfast Love and mercy, 
who satisfies you with good..."


gonna try to memorize it so it shall be on my lips and mind this whole month. 

"If he (Satan) can deceive you into believing that he has more power and authority than you do, you will live as if he does. You have been given authority over the kingdom of darkness, but if you don't believe it and exercise it, it's as if you didn't have it (Bondage, p. 61)."

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.

Thoughts from the drive home:

 1. First of all, driving in a snow storm is not fun, but it was entertaining at some points. I was like the only one on the road so I made lots of noises and sounds and pretended I was in a movie. I really couldn’t see where I was on the road!! I couldn’t see two feet in front of me..shoot dang. I saw sooo many accidents! There was one car that slid off the road and I should have stopped to help, but I was already passed it by the time I saw it. In all the 17 years I’ve lived in arkansas I’ve never seen snow like this, even Louisiana and Mississippi got snow! 

2. “Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them     down.”  

 ”In the end we will not remember the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends”

3.  Leaving Greenville never gets easier. 

4.  Being Christ minded is SOO hard sometimes. We struggle SO much between what we think we should do and what we want to do. We think, “i really want to say this/do this but i know thats probably not the right thing.”  as well as “would christ really do this? would he really say this?”  why does it have to be so hard. I do believe though that if you genuinely desire to do God’s will and seeking out Him. He will NOT let you do anything other than the right thing…which is sometimes easier said than done. We just have to be obedient and faithful, and TRUST that He will hold up his end. I mean, come on, its God we’re talking about…of course He will hold up his end and move within us to do the right thing. 

5.  sometimes I think I push people away because I try so hard to be their friend. I give them my all from the beginning, I don’t hold anything back, because I found someone that think is awesome and a blessing from God and I don’t want to lose them. Sometimes I feel like I suffocate them. I don’t mean too. I just am terrified of losing them. 

6.  I’m afraid. I’m terrified. I’m scared about the future. I’m fearful of disappointing others as well as myself.  Why can’t I ever be the person I try so hard to be? 

7. Isn’t it awesome that there is enough Grace for the entire human race!! 

Redeemed!

This lovely group of young ladies above have been redeemed! These are the child brides that have been rescued by our organization during the month of december! whoa. God is doing great things. These girls are now free to go to school and get an education as well as work at the bakery shop we have opened so they can earn a living. Each one is a precious jewel. I've never met them, but I love them. I hope to meet them this year sometime!! Remember to pray for these girls in Kenya. 

I LOVE. getting mail.

So, during the christmas potluck that we had at church they had an opportunity for people to participate in the prayer ministry.  We all were supposed to put our names and addresses on an index card, and then put it in a basket at the end of the table. Now, what would happen is at the end as you walk out the door you draw a card out of the basket and whoever you draw is who you are to pray for over the christmas and new years holiday. It's a great idea to get the whole church involved. BUT after you pray for them and the holidays are over, you are to send them a card saying that you prayed for them. I am currently in the process of sending my card. I have no idea who the person is that I drew out of the basket. Anyways, I got a card in the mail today. It was from the guy who drew my name out of the basket. His name is Ryan Jones. He is in his late twenties, I think. He just wrote me the nicest card and letting me knwo that he was praying for me. He also wrote a lot about how he has been praying that our church would have a spiritual revival because it needs it real bad.

I think I might have a new friend :) He also gave me his email address, so I plan on emailing him and letting him know I got the card.

P.s. for all you RC's out there, this is a great thing to do on your floor or in your house. I've done it before and it worked out really well. You can do the whole prayer card thing, but also have them just do a random act of kindness as well as praying for the person they drew.