What is my life

Summer time. Sweet sweet summer time.
A lot has happened this summer. I mean, that is usually the case.

I worked at Durley for a week. Discovered the true side to some people and letting God reveal the beautiful side of people. I was sad to leave there because I had just began to make friends and didn't want to leave.

I was off to SOS when I got back from camp. I love SOS. I worked on a roof with some 12 year olds, and let me tell you...I don't know what was more difficult...the roof or the 12 year olds. hahaha.

I went to Greenville for the wonderful wedding of my awesome friends, Tim and Annie. They both had the biggest smiles plastered on their faces the entire time. Love is great. I wish them the best. It was also great to see friends that I haven't seen in a long time. It brought back a lot of memories...good and bad. Once again, it was sad to part ways. It was like a tease.

I also got to know a new friend even better. I like making new friends. Especially ones in which I believe God brought to me for a reason...and believing we will be friends for a long long time.

But most of all this summer brings to mind two words...JOB SEARCH. as well as two emotions...FRUSTRATION and DISAPOINTMENT.  I have spent ALL summer looking for a job. I need one really really bad. This is the most crucial time to do as the good old hymn says...Trust and Obey for there is no other way. I am doing my best. I never imagined myself having this much trouble finding a job. Growing up you just have a completely different picture in your head of how you think everything is going to go. I do have a problem with thinking its my fault when something doesn't go right or it seems like everything is going wrong...I blame myself for all of it thinking I had failed. I had failed and missed what God was trying to show me/give me.

I got home from greenville to find my first bill. My school loans have come back to haunt me. I opened it..and started to cry. I don't have money to pay it right now....but this is exactly the time to not panic and run in circles, but to stop and drop...gettin on those knees to speak to the one who is all knowing and all loving.

Anyways, its still a struggle and a journey. I know and believe things will get better especially because I know there are others out there who care enough to pray and trust right along side me :)

What next?

Sometimes it is really hard to "wait" and "trust". There are just some things that I want soooo badly, and they are currently the desires of my heart. They aren't too much to ask for and are quite simple, but I am not sure that it will ever happen. It makes me sad. God knows the desires of my heart, he knows what lies ahead, He knows what will work best...even though I think that they would be really really good for me and work well...who knows, but God. I just wish I understood and I could see the whole picture sometimes.

At this moment, I am frustrated. BECAUSE... it seems like everyone around me has at least part of their life figured out. I know it may not be true, but thats the way it appears. It seems like they know what they want to do with their lives...i don't. I have no idea. I don't know what to do, but wait. I am not sure how to be proactive about it either, or if I should.

Im not gonna lie, I get caught up in the past a lot and in relationships..that makes it harder

I pray that I just don't miss out and simply live a life worthy of my calling and glorifying to my God.

Hot Cones and Snow Dogs

First of all, Snow cones are God's gift to mankind. I will eat them any time of the day at any time of the year!! LOVE them. I think I have had one every day this week so far.

Secondly, the brothers and I would like to open up a snowcone/hotdog stand this summer :) ha. We would call it Hot cones and snow dogs or Cone Dogs and hot snow...we haven't quite figured out which one we like better :)

"Are you upset little friend? Have you been lying awake worrying? Well, don't worry...I'm here. The flood waters will recede, the famine will end, the sun will shine tomorrow, and I will always be here to take care of you." -Charlie Brown to Snoopy

O God, you have bound us together in common life. Help us in the midst of our struggles for justice and truth, to confront one another without hatred or bitterness, and to work together with mutual forbearance and respect. Father, who has taught us in your holy word that you do not willingly afflict or grieve the children of men: Look with pity upon the sorrows of your servant for whom our prayers are offered. Remember us, O Lord, in mercy, nourish my soul with patience, comfort me with a sense of your goodness, lift up your countenance upon me, and give me peace. I entrust all who are dear to me to your never failing care and love, for this life and the life to come, knowing that you are doing for them better things than I can desire or pray for. Direct me O Lord, in all my doings with your most gracious favor, and further me with your continual help; that in all my works, they would begin, continue, and end with you. The meek are guided in judgment, and light riseth up in darkness for the godly; Grant me, in all my doubts and uncertainties, the grace to ask what you should have me to do, that the Spirit of wisdom may save me from all falst choices, and that in your light we may see light and in your straight path may not stumble.
  Amen

Sometimes I try too hard to color inside the lines

So, yesterday was pretty good. I did absolutely nothing, and then in that case I guess all my weekends should be pretty good because I do nothing every weekend. Last night after supper I came up to my room and sat in my bed... I watched a million episodes of Bones and Criminal Minds while I colored in my Batman coloring book. I was trying to color pictures for a bunch of people and then I was gonna send it to them with a message written on it. I believe I was up till like four this morning doing that. No worries, I had chips and donuts and lemonade for sustenance.

I still haven't gotten out of bed. I didn't finish my episodes, so that's what I will do all day today too. I discovered that while coloring I try soooo hard to stay inside the lines. Sometimes the crayon isn't sharp enough and so it begins to get harder to do that, then when I do accidentally get outside the lines I get mad and disappointed. I begin to think "crap, its ruined. They are gonna hate it now and think I'm a horrible colorer".  Then I realized that what I just did there in coloring, I do in life. I try soooo hard to be a certain someone whether its for me, others, or God. We all go through phases where we rotate who we are trying to please, even though we know it should always be God. Anyways, in the midst of that pressure to be a certain someone, I mess up, I get outside the lines. It could be real small, it could be the only time in a long time, it doesn't matter. You begin to fear what "they" might think. You might try to cover up your mistake or make it fit some how in the picture, but it will always be there. What if the person won't accept the picture with the error? Doubt. Doubting who you are. Doubting who they are. Doubting who God is. If they are truly your friends, they will love it no matter what. BUT there are those people out there you will come into contact with who won't. Learn to move on and begin to color another picture or find someone else who will take it :)
Just like little kids. I get to watch them color a lot. They try their hardest to color outside the lines, or at least that is what it seems like, ha. They don't care and still we look at that picture and say "oh, I love it".

Right now, I have accidentally colored outside the lines, and I don't know how to fix it or make it work. I am weak. I am asking, if anyone reads this to say a prayer for me. I'm not asking you to say you will pray and then let it leave your mind or forget about it. Because I really need it. I don't mind being completely honest here what do I have to lose.

I'm afraid. I'm really afraid. Where I am at right now in life, isn't where I expected to find myself . I have great plans to do great things...but for now I'm here. I don't like waiting. I don't feel like the same person I once was. I feel like I've lost something, but I can't quite figure out what it is. Anyways, I could go on forever...but I shan't

Energy Drinks and Condoms

Today at work was probably the most boring day of my life. I came in, sat down in a chair, and filed papers for six hours. I have a million and one paper cuts. My knuckles are bleeding. I need lotion and band-aids.

While I was being seated in my chair, I over heard some ladies on the other side of the office talking about valentines day. Everyone in the office is going to decorate a brown paper bag and we will give out office valentine cards. woopty doo. Anyways, Tiffany and Stacey shouted, " well you know what we are putting in everyone's bag, Condoms and five hour energy drinks."  They couldn't see my face, but my eyes were wide open and my jaw had dropped. What the heck? First of all, these people cuss waaaay too much. They talk dirty all the time, and this is only proof of that. I don't know why everything has to be so sexual all the time. Makes me awkward.

Secondly, I was invited again for the billionth time to go out for some shots after work. Once again, I declined the offer. They all think I'm a goody goody girl. One, I work at church, and we all sign something saying we won't drink while being employed by the Church. Secondly, I don't see the reason why I should drink in the first place. Now my view on drinking alcohol is different than a lot of people in today's society. It's not something that  helps me to make a lot of friends. I just don't see the point I guess. It's a waste of money. Alcoholism has been in the fam, and so who knows. One drink, and I could be addicted. Why even take that chance? There are actually other things I would rather drink, like dr.pepper or a slushie. Also, I just don't feel right giving money to companies that give people opportunities to harm themselves. I admit there are some people out there who do take control of their drinking and they know how much is too much, they have self control, BUT there are also a lot of people out there who aren't like that. They do not have self control and need help. I am just real BIG on community and helping my brothers and sisters out any way I can. I don't want to be the cause of someone stumbling either bc I invited them to drink, drank with them, or just supported the company that made their drink. I don't know. I have a lot of other thoughts on it too. John Wesley was a HUGE advocate for getting rid of all alcohol because it was a huge problem for christian people and why even take chances. We need to do everything we can to help each other out.

Anyways, I haven't told all these reasons to the people at work. They can be kind of rude towards Christians, so I will refrain until the right moment comes up. I don't know exactly what I will do with my condom and energy drink I get for valentines day. I don't really want to bring that home and have mom, dad, or brothers accidentally find that somewhere! ah! awkward. Okay. I'll let ya know how that all goes.

Tune in next time for...idk