So, I am doing this new challenge. Its called 7 and it lasts for seven months. Its a challenge about the excess in our lives. Each month will deal with a different topic. I have listed the link below which gives the details. I figured with lent here it would be a good time to start.
It all started with one lady. She had the idea first, and wrote a book about her experience. It is really cool and everyone should do it. I am not doing it exactly like her. I am tailoring it to my lifestyle at the moment.
Starting today is the first month. Unfortunatley the first month's topic is FOOD. dang. I love food. I think I live to eat. Jen, the lady who started this, only picked seven foods to eat the whole month. I am not going that far. I don't know that I am ready for that yet. Instead, I have told myself that I will not pay to eat out at all this month. I will first eat everything in my fridge and pantry..THEN if the end of the month comes before that is done, I will only eat chicken, eggs, bread, and apples. Also, no snacking. Just eating during meal times or set meal times.
This is going to be really hard for me. I need to do it though. I feel like I always start things and never finish. I call myself a strong person, but really I don't think I am. Plus, its a good financial decision as well. I am really trying to become a good steward. I am definitely a person of the world, which needs to end. I need to be stripped of the world which is hard because ive been of it for so long. I am selfish whether i admit it or not. I am in the top like 5% of the world when it comes to wealth...and in America...I am not wealthy. I consider myself very middle class if not lower.
Again, this is goign to be hard. I know no one actually reads my blog, but just putting it out there so i can say I tried to tell someone. I just need to get my life in order and back to the bare necessities. So i guess if you do for some reason read this and think of me just pray for me. This may not seem like a lot but it is for me. I know a lot of people say they will pray for me, but then don't...this time, please actually do it. Not just about this challenge but for my heart. Sure this challenge will be hard bc it deals with food, but ultimatley its my heart that will be affected most. Things aren't easy right now anyways, and I am already feeling like im setting myself up for failure..but im not gonna fail. i can't. i won't.
http://bibledude.net/7-project-mutiny-against-excess/#.T1BHmhvQdVs.facebook
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Persecuted.
You should look up and watch more videos from Voice of the Martyrs.
Rejected.
Different ways people reacted after getting rejected
People who thinks the person who rejected them is making a mistake:
people who would sarcastically laugh it off:
people who would cry all day:
and then there’s me:
.................................................................................................
Sunday, January 8, 2012
cont.
Are you a person who wants the will of God? Don't be so quick to answer. This is a HUGE question. I'll be honest when I think about it there are times when I am unsure. Like many others, I am not oblivious to the riches and security that is all around me. I too get sucked in. Am I lukewarm? If I am than I am not strong enough to be in ministry right now. Sometimes we have to do what's best for our salvation and get away from what bringing us down. we have to be willing to do whatever it takes because God is worth it. He truly is all we need. How can we minister and help others be on fire for God, if we ourselves are not.
Its like if someone is struggling with drinking, you tell them to get out of the bars for a little while til they get stronger. Its the same for us in our spiritual lives.
I ask you. Please! don't let me forget this. We need to be there for one another and getting on fire for God. You can only make fire with fire. It spreads quickly. Just think what we can accomplish if we all stick together as a people on fire. truly on fire. Bringing the kingdom of heaven to earth.
John 16:33.
I have a lot of thoughts and they are hard to put into words here sometimes.
Its like if someone is struggling with drinking, you tell them to get out of the bars for a little while til they get stronger. Its the same for us in our spiritual lives.
I ask you. Please! don't let me forget this. We need to be there for one another and getting on fire for God. You can only make fire with fire. It spreads quickly. Just think what we can accomplish if we all stick together as a people on fire. truly on fire. Bringing the kingdom of heaven to earth.
John 16:33.
I have a lot of thoughts and they are hard to put into words here sometimes.
Luke Warm and Loving it
Luke 18-19 Revelation 13
I have been thinking a lot about salvation lately. To be honest sometimes I wonder if I am really saved just because I think we don't fear Hell and eternal punishment enough in this country. We don't live like we really and completely trust and obey God the father. This country is Luke warm and they don't care. I would put myself in this category at the moment. I think this is part of my problem. Many of us have heard this before that God wants to spit out the Lukewarm, but we just don't really get it. If we did, we would begin to care and either choose to be hot or cold. We don't realize what "spit out" means. In scripture the descriptions in that passage or words and phrases used to describe the unsaved not members of Gods kingdom. Its like saying to God, " I like my little house, family, friends...etc" and id rather stay here and be safe than give it away to spend eternity with you. Basically you make God gag. We are comparing the worth of God with our homes, clothes, friends, family, retirement fund...etc. No wonder it makes God gag.
Those of us in America are filthy rich. Don't even dare think about and say to yourself that you aren't. We are 100 times more wealthy than most people around the world. Even me, one who can barely make it financially each month with bills. Jesus said these words, "it is easier to put a camel through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God". We are rich. We are already at a disadvantage. We always talk about how hard life is sometimes and we can't seem to catch a break in our lives or even in our spiritual lives (which are connected by the way). The answer is right there in Jesus' statement. We are rich. You take that away and our dependence on God and getting into the kingdom of heaven becomes easier. We are wealthy not with just money but in relationships too. Are you willing to forget your friends and family if that is what it takes to follow Christ? most of you would say no. Its real hard for me, but when it comes down to it....you gotta decide. They aren't worth it. It may sound cruel, but its true.
Don't read into this passage, just take it as it is. We all know the story of Zacchaeus. He admitted he was rich and was gladly willing to give it away to have Jesus come to dine at his table. Jesus said "salvation has come to this house". The impossible happened! A rich man has entered the kingdom of God! Wealth gives you a false sense of security. The more you have the less you are inclined to think you are needy.
What concerns me the most is that some of us are Lukewarm, and we are okay with it. We like it. We don't wanna change.
Are you willing to do whatever it takes to become on fire for God?! We should all be on our knees and faces...not eating not doing anything until we "get it" until we are fasting and praying and we are on fire for God...in love with God! Don't go to work tomorrow if your lukewarm, sell your house, until you get there! this is important and crucial. Do whatever it takes..you can't end your life lukewarm! Jesus' words are so strong here. Be earnest and repent. He loves us and He doesn't want to "spit" us out of his mouth. He will have things happen in our lives to get our attention.
I have been thinking a lot about salvation lately. To be honest sometimes I wonder if I am really saved just because I think we don't fear Hell and eternal punishment enough in this country. We don't live like we really and completely trust and obey God the father. This country is Luke warm and they don't care. I would put myself in this category at the moment. I think this is part of my problem. Many of us have heard this before that God wants to spit out the Lukewarm, but we just don't really get it. If we did, we would begin to care and either choose to be hot or cold. We don't realize what "spit out" means. In scripture the descriptions in that passage or words and phrases used to describe the unsaved not members of Gods kingdom. Its like saying to God, " I like my little house, family, friends...etc" and id rather stay here and be safe than give it away to spend eternity with you. Basically you make God gag. We are comparing the worth of God with our homes, clothes, friends, family, retirement fund...etc. No wonder it makes God gag.
Those of us in America are filthy rich. Don't even dare think about and say to yourself that you aren't. We are 100 times more wealthy than most people around the world. Even me, one who can barely make it financially each month with bills. Jesus said these words, "it is easier to put a camel through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God". We are rich. We are already at a disadvantage. We always talk about how hard life is sometimes and we can't seem to catch a break in our lives or even in our spiritual lives (which are connected by the way). The answer is right there in Jesus' statement. We are rich. You take that away and our dependence on God and getting into the kingdom of heaven becomes easier. We are wealthy not with just money but in relationships too. Are you willing to forget your friends and family if that is what it takes to follow Christ? most of you would say no. Its real hard for me, but when it comes down to it....you gotta decide. They aren't worth it. It may sound cruel, but its true.
Don't read into this passage, just take it as it is. We all know the story of Zacchaeus. He admitted he was rich and was gladly willing to give it away to have Jesus come to dine at his table. Jesus said "salvation has come to this house". The impossible happened! A rich man has entered the kingdom of God! Wealth gives you a false sense of security. The more you have the less you are inclined to think you are needy.
What concerns me the most is that some of us are Lukewarm, and we are okay with it. We like it. We don't wanna change.
Are you willing to do whatever it takes to become on fire for God?! We should all be on our knees and faces...not eating not doing anything until we "get it" until we are fasting and praying and we are on fire for God...in love with God! Don't go to work tomorrow if your lukewarm, sell your house, until you get there! this is important and crucial. Do whatever it takes..you can't end your life lukewarm! Jesus' words are so strong here. Be earnest and repent. He loves us and He doesn't want to "spit" us out of his mouth. He will have things happen in our lives to get our attention.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Revive
This is my prayer for all my loved ones right now. I just feel like there is a lot of hearts who need to be revived. We need to be revived so that we are completely consumed by the love of Christ and compelled to do whatever it takes to live that out and be that. I see a lack of passion and depth. I pray this for myself often. We need to be willing to do whatever it takes to rid ourselves of anything that isn't pleasing to God, rid ourselves of everything that is keeping us from being all we can be in Christ. What does your life declare? Would the world see that your life Declares the one and only Jesus Christ as Lord? or would the world see that school, friends, or money is what your life declares? Now is the time to choose. Actually it was yesterday. Do you represent Christ well? It's something to constantly think about. Sometimes our hearts get heavy and we forget. We need to be revived. I need to be revived. daily.
Consider my affliction and please deliver me
Plead my cause and redeem me
Salvation is not for the wicked
For they don't seek your word
Great are your tender mercies Lord
Revive me, according to your loving kindness
Revive me, that I may seek your word
Revive me, according to your loving kindness
Revive me, oh Lord
You give me understanding
According to your word
Great peace for those who seek your face
I long for salvation
My lips shall praise your name
I rejoice in the treasure of your keep
For all my ways are before you
I let your hand become my help
My soul longs and adores you
Let my cry come before you oh Lord
Oh, Revive me
Revive me
Consider my affliction and please deliver me
Plead my cause and redeem me
Salvation is not for the wicked
For they don't seek your word
Great are your tender mercies Lord
Revive me, according to your loving kindness
Revive me, that I may seek your word
Revive me, according to your loving kindness
Revive me, oh Lord
You give me understanding
According to your word
Great peace for those who seek your face
I long for salvation
My lips shall praise your name
I rejoice in the treasure of your keep
For all my ways are before you
I let your hand become my help
My soul longs and adores you
Let my cry come before you oh Lord
Oh, Revive me
Revive me
Black, White, and Grey
Some things in life are not black and white...but grey. Sometimes its difficult to live life that way...in the grey. When it is in the grey, it can go either way. A struggle for me is whether or not some things are bad/sin. It would be easier if scripture spoke of everything and just told us yes or no and was blatantly clear about all things. Its not. dang it. Therefore, we have to discern for ourselves whether or not certain things are alright or if its a sin. What if we choose wrong!? Moral dilemmas. A person can get exhausted trying to think about it and trying to figure it out. A lot of times I tend to think that if you are constantly worried about something you are doing is bad...then it probably is. If you are praying about it, and remaining close to God, and you don't feel like you are getting an answer..not an audible one, not even an answer that is spoken through someone else....and you still are worried about it constantly and you are genuine...then go with your gut because if you genuinely want to please God and be like Christ, then He won't let you continue to worry or make the wrong decision. You just have to trust and obey, for there is no other way.
Right now, I am having my own dilemma of whether or not something that is apart of my life every now and then is really good or bad (if that makes sense). It has been on my mind for a long time. Every time it appears in my life, there begins a debate in my head. Most of the time I go against my internal feeling, my gut which is probably a bad thing. Like i said before, if I genuinely desire to do the right thing and live a blameless life, than the Spirit will not let me make false choices, as long as I continue to seek after Him and desire to be like Him. Thinking too much can be a bad thing. I do that sometimes.
I just really want to be on the right track. I want to be blameless in the presence of my Lord. How can Christ be lifted high in my life, if I continue to let satan have a hold of my secrets and struggles in the dark...being brought to light is when it becomes Truth and you can be set free. For the light reveals all and there is no hiding. When things are in the light...they are black and white...not grey. Seek out the light, stay in the light, and you shall see the black and white more clearly. Then you can go forth and spread the light to help others see...so that we can all be on the same page...desiring to live a life worthy of our calling and helping each other to do that.
Thinking out loud here. hope it makes sense.
Look up the song Before and After by Jimmy Needham
here is a link for the lyrics and the meaning behind the song
Monday, December 5, 2011
Thoughts from Today
Sometimes I get mad at myself for not being good at being crafty. I just wanna be so bad. Nobody knows when I give them something I made how many times I messed up before I got it right or how many times I had to restart.
Today was good but also not so good. I think I could be a nun in the sense of taking the vow of silence. The only conversation I had today was with the lady at Hobby Lobby who was checking me out and that was a whole like five words.
Earlier I got really mad because I just wanted to find a certain picture of a tree/leaves on Google and there were SO MANY pictures of naked people. It drives me crazy that I can't simply look for a picture of a tree without seeing that. I had to put my web browser on "strict" when it came to websites. I can't be seeing those things...doesn't help me at all. It is so bad these days. The level of sexuality that our culture allows to be public and act like its alright. We don't usually notice because we grew up with it and just got use to it. Do you want to be use to that? Its not right. We are way to lax with those kinds of things. Its every where...even hidden in childrens movies and shows, sexual connotations. Anyways, it just made me mad.
I really wish I could go see my friends COR presentations tomorrow. It kills me just a little that I can't be there to support them. I'll just be here praying from afar ;) I know they will do great. I mean I pretty much know what they are all gonna say, ha, because I've been hearing about it all semester. It will be a grand day when its all over and they don't have to worry about it. I remember those days. Not too fun. It was alright. I think my group did a really good job. I guess we were "that group" ha. Everyone and their mom came to ours. The other members of my group were all pretty popular around campus, ha so that probably helped. Don't miss it though thats for sure.
I got two blisters today, a huge random bruise on my shin, and sliced my knuckle open. this is what trying to be crafty does to me. I am a mess. It is one reason why I don't like people to watch me do crafts..im self conscious, ha. and a mess.
I organized my closet today! yay me! finally. Okay well I won't bore you anymore with the lovely details of my life today. Time to work on some Christmas presents!
Remember to always choose Joy.
Today was good but also not so good. I think I could be a nun in the sense of taking the vow of silence. The only conversation I had today was with the lady at Hobby Lobby who was checking me out and that was a whole like five words.
Earlier I got really mad because I just wanted to find a certain picture of a tree/leaves on Google and there were SO MANY pictures of naked people. It drives me crazy that I can't simply look for a picture of a tree without seeing that. I had to put my web browser on "strict" when it came to websites. I can't be seeing those things...doesn't help me at all. It is so bad these days. The level of sexuality that our culture allows to be public and act like its alright. We don't usually notice because we grew up with it and just got use to it. Do you want to be use to that? Its not right. We are way to lax with those kinds of things. Its every where...even hidden in childrens movies and shows, sexual connotations. Anyways, it just made me mad.
I really wish I could go see my friends COR presentations tomorrow. It kills me just a little that I can't be there to support them. I'll just be here praying from afar ;) I know they will do great. I mean I pretty much know what they are all gonna say, ha, because I've been hearing about it all semester. It will be a grand day when its all over and they don't have to worry about it. I remember those days. Not too fun. It was alright. I think my group did a really good job. I guess we were "that group" ha. Everyone and their mom came to ours. The other members of my group were all pretty popular around campus, ha so that probably helped. Don't miss it though thats for sure.
I got two blisters today, a huge random bruise on my shin, and sliced my knuckle open. this is what trying to be crafty does to me. I am a mess. It is one reason why I don't like people to watch me do crafts..im self conscious, ha. and a mess.
I organized my closet today! yay me! finally. Okay well I won't bore you anymore with the lovely details of my life today. Time to work on some Christmas presents!
Remember to always choose Joy.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Let the Waters Rise
This song did a lot of good today. Sometimes I feel like there is a raging sea right in front of me. Whether that raging sea is homework, relationships, stress, loneliness, or sin we just have got to Trust God. Sometimes we have to go through the "storm" so we can learn to recognize Gods voice in the midst. He may not calm your "storm" but He will calm YOU in the midst of your "storm". Those are words to always remember.
Here are the lyrics. I love lyrics. I think about them a lot because sometimes they say things a lot better and it makes more sense than anything I can get to come out of my mouth.
Don’t know where to begin, it’s like my world’s caving in
And I try but I can’t control my fear
Where do I go from here?
And I try but I can’t control my fear
Where do I go from here?
Sometimes it’s so hard to pray when You feel so far away
But I am willing to go where You want me to
God, I trust You
But I am willing to go where You want me to
God, I trust You
There’s a raging sea right in front of me
Wants to pull me in, bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise if You want them to
I will follow You, I will follow You
I will follow You
Wants to pull me in, bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise if You want them to
I will follow You, I will follow You
I will follow You
I will swim in the deep ‘cause You’ll be next to me
You’re in the eye of the storm and the calm of the sea
You’ll never out of reach
You’re in the eye of the storm and the calm of the sea
You’ll never out of reach
God You know where I’ve been, You were there with me then
You were faithful before, You’ll be faithful again
I’m holding Your hand
You were faithful before, You’ll be faithful again
I’m holding Your hand
God Your love is enough, You will pull me through
I’m holding onto You
God Your love is enough, I will follow You
I will follow You
I’m holding onto You
God Your love is enough, I will follow You
I will follow You
It pretty much describes my thoughts/feelings for today.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Always have, Always will
Part of me is the prodigal
Part of me is the other brother
But I think the heart of me
Is really somewhere between them
Some days I'm running wild
Some days I'm reconciled
But I wonder all the while
Why you put up with me when. . .
Part of me is the other brother
But I think the heart of me
Is really somewhere between them
Some days I'm running wild
Some days I'm reconciled
But I wonder all the while
Why you put up with me when. . .
I'm caught in the trappings of
My search for lasting love
I've made mistakes enough to last me a lifetime
I still sip, I still fall
But I'll always run back to You
I'm gonna keep trusting You
I see what You've seen me through
I'm goin' where You have gone
I'm letting You lead me on
My search for lasting love
I've made mistakes enough to last me a lifetime
I still sip, I still fall
But I'll always run back to You
I'm gonna keep trusting You
I see what You've seen me through
I'm goin' where You have gone
I'm letting You lead me on
These lyrics really resonated with me yesterday after church. We had a guest speaker, Grant Norsworthy. He is was a member of the band Sonic Flood. Now he travels around speaking to different groups and he still sings. He gave a great message. He hit us all where it hurt..where we needed to be hit.
I have become so much more aware of the sin in my life. We all need to become more sensitive to evil in this world. We get so use to seeing it and even participating in it that we don't realize anymore how bad it really is. Even the little things, like what we watch on tv or what music we listen to. Even if we let a few cuss words slip out. Sure they may not be "that" bad...but when you think about the fact that we were made to praise and worship Christ all the time. We fill those small moments of our lives with those little evils that sneak in. We are supposed to continually have praises on our lips...do you? You just called someone a bitch. Do you really want to go and praise Jesus with that same mouth. You just watched a show on tv where it was filled with sexual inuendos, promiscuity, rape, murder, etc. Just because you are watching it doesn't mean is ok. Do you want to give that mind that is now full of those images, to your God? Our bodies are a temple, it is where Christ dwells. We are squeezing him in there with all those other small evils that we participate in. Whatever we sing and watch, Jesus sings and watches. We are ambassadors of Christ. Do you represent him well? just askin.
These are just thoughts that have been bugging me. I am not perfect. I wander. Just like the lyrics above. I go back and forth. I may have these thoughts again sometime and thats just because i have failed to apply certain Truths to my life. Anyways, just something to think about.
Also, my Pastor and his wife lost their son last night unexpectedly. He was only in his early thirties. I have gotten close to Pastor Bob since being here and so this is just really devastating for the whole staff. If you could say a prayer that'd be great.
I hope everyone has a wonderful thanksgiving! Remember to love those around you.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Oh the Joys
So...I REALLY do not want to be back in Peoria. I have some feelings/emotions about it that I am not sure if it is something I should speak out loud about a lot because I am not sure if it is still me being "new" at this or if I am really not happy. But for some reason this time when i came back from Greenville I just had a stronger dislike towards going back to Peoria than I have had before. I am not sure why. I mean being in Peoria isn't a bad thing, its not horrible. It probably is just the whole "loneliness" part that gets to me and sometimes I don't even realize it. I should be happy. I mean I am. I have a job for crying out loud, and I am proud of that fact. It's just now when people ask me how my job is going, I tell them, good. THen they ask, "well do you just absolutely love your job?" I don't know how to respond to that. I do like it. I don't know that i love it. Its hard for me to answer that question for people with excitement. It's weird. I don't really want to share this with people because then I feel like I look like fool. I think part of the reason why I don't love it yet is because I am not completely confident yet in my abilities and position.
Oh the joys of ministry and Oh the joys of first jobs and Oh the joys of being an adult.
So...this weekend. I came to greenville, got in a car wreck, car wouldn't start, people lost my rent check, dealing with insurance, being sick, mom and dad mad, me being irresponsible, paying for speeding ticket, missing out on my responsibilites...but overall it was a good weekend. just full of surprises good and bad.
Oh the joys of ministry and Oh the joys of first jobs and Oh the joys of being an adult.
So...this weekend. I came to greenville, got in a car wreck, car wouldn't start, people lost my rent check, dealing with insurance, being sick, mom and dad mad, me being irresponsible, paying for speeding ticket, missing out on my responsibilites...but overall it was a good weekend. just full of surprises good and bad.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Rain Rain Go Away!
First off, I am not liking this weather one bit. Not ONE bit. Its been cold and rainy for the last three days!! shoot dang.
Secondly, last night I had some really good Skype conversations. Conversations that needed to happen. Makes me feel "real" and important when someone is intentional with me even if it is over Skype.
I am still new at this job and you kind of learn on the job, which I don't like sometimes because I like knowing things in advance so I don't look so stupid. Anyways, so there are still lots of new things I have yet to do/learn. I am going to be doing a lot of that up til Christmas! buh. So I have lots of nervous energy.
When talking last night on Skype the part of the conversation that stuck with me was when we were talking about best friends. As a lot of people know this is the area where I have issues and sometimes still feel immature about. I had said that sometimes I just get this overwhelming feeling of a need/desire to be somebody's best friend. I wanted someone to give me that label and position bc I can't remember the last time someone called me their best friend. Anyways, we ended up just talking about how it must make God really sad to see our pursuit of love and acceptance of people and things of this world. It reminded me of a time in High school where people "forgot" to invite me to a party they were having. I was so mad bc that wasn't the first time. So I found out where it was located and decided to drive myself over there and teach them a lesson ;) baha. So, I was on my way over when a thought/image just hit me like a smack in the face. I felt God saying "You see how this upset you. You see how you yearn for their affection and attention. THAT is exactly how I am with you right now." It hit me hard. I stopped the car. Turned around. Drove back home.
Just some thoughts.
Also I got really excited today about Kat coming to thanksgiving with us. We are going to grandmas. Grandmas is hilarious. Most people would think its boring. Yes, we do get bored. Its in the middle of nowhere BUT my family is hilarious. All we do is laugh. It is an adventure at Grandmas house. I am excited about showing off my family to her because I think they are the best. I hope she doesn't get scared away though. ha. They are a little loud ;) Grandma does like to joke around with the grand kids boyfriends or girlfriends.
Like this last time my cousin Ana brought her boyfriend to visit. Grandma greeted him at the door and said "Sorry son, Im not drunk. That doesn't usually happen til like 11pm." bahaha. She tries to joke around. BUT sometimes grandma can seem a little unsteady bc she has Parkinsons so she jokes about it.
Hope this week is a good one.
Secondly, last night I had some really good Skype conversations. Conversations that needed to happen. Makes me feel "real" and important when someone is intentional with me even if it is over Skype.
I am still new at this job and you kind of learn on the job, which I don't like sometimes because I like knowing things in advance so I don't look so stupid. Anyways, so there are still lots of new things I have yet to do/learn. I am going to be doing a lot of that up til Christmas! buh. So I have lots of nervous energy.
When talking last night on Skype the part of the conversation that stuck with me was when we were talking about best friends. As a lot of people know this is the area where I have issues and sometimes still feel immature about. I had said that sometimes I just get this overwhelming feeling of a need/desire to be somebody's best friend. I wanted someone to give me that label and position bc I can't remember the last time someone called me their best friend. Anyways, we ended up just talking about how it must make God really sad to see our pursuit of love and acceptance of people and things of this world. It reminded me of a time in High school where people "forgot" to invite me to a party they were having. I was so mad bc that wasn't the first time. So I found out where it was located and decided to drive myself over there and teach them a lesson ;) baha. So, I was on my way over when a thought/image just hit me like a smack in the face. I felt God saying "You see how this upset you. You see how you yearn for their affection and attention. THAT is exactly how I am with you right now." It hit me hard. I stopped the car. Turned around. Drove back home.
Just some thoughts.
Also I got really excited today about Kat coming to thanksgiving with us. We are going to grandmas. Grandmas is hilarious. Most people would think its boring. Yes, we do get bored. Its in the middle of nowhere BUT my family is hilarious. All we do is laugh. It is an adventure at Grandmas house. I am excited about showing off my family to her because I think they are the best. I hope she doesn't get scared away though. ha. They are a little loud ;) Grandma does like to joke around with the grand kids boyfriends or girlfriends.
Like this last time my cousin Ana brought her boyfriend to visit. Grandma greeted him at the door and said "Sorry son, Im not drunk. That doesn't usually happen til like 11pm." bahaha. She tries to joke around. BUT sometimes grandma can seem a little unsteady bc she has Parkinsons so she jokes about it.
Hope this week is a good one.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Missin You
I meant to do this several days ago. Today is pretty close to the day that he died. I was missing him a lot today. I was thinking about when I was at grandmas house last week and how John Patrick wasn't there to greet me at the door and how James, this random guy that lives with grandma and grandpa, has his room now and has just trashed it. It made me so mad. I included a bit about him below. I did my speech on him once in high school. Please just take a few minutes to get to know him because he was wonderful. He is in heaven where he is perfect and can completely function. I can't wait to see him like that!! with a new mind and a new body. Shoot, I'm crying just thinking bout that day.
(this is written like if my mom was reading it to me)
"John Patrick Murphy died at age 31 from a rare form of childhood cancer. this form of cancer had no known cures. Some radiation may have helped, but he could not hold still enough to use the treatment. They tried some chemo, but it did not help at all. He was diagnosed in August and died in November. John had Down’s syndrome. He was taken into our home at age 4 while we lived near Albany N.Y., and remained with us until he died at 31. He was considered a foster child, but we were his family. His biological parents let us take him to Arkansas when we moved. He was about 10. John was number 6 of seven children with his biological family. His mother had had 12 miscarriages in between all these. His father was an alcoholic, and his mother didn't feel the home life was a good place for someone like John, so she put him in a catholic children's home, and that is where we received him as a foster child. John was fully irish with bright red hair. He attended special schools up until he was about 17 and then he began working in the Baxter Day Service center in Mtn. Home. This he did until his passing. It gave him a little pay check and a sense of purpose. He also participated in Special Olympics for many years. Mostly in some running, and maybe a softball throw events. He really looked forward to these and was very proud to participate. He loved eating at McDonalds! He loved watching T.V. His favorite shows were Lavern and Shirley and Happy Days. John loved and was so proud of all his nieces and nephews. He especially enjoyed visiting with you because you talked to him on his level and liked alot of the same shows on t.v. and eating at the same restaurants. You were very patient with him. He loved church and always sang with great gusto even though he couldn't carry a tune at all. This never bothered him. He loved playing Buddy Barrel in his church. This was when all the children would come and place their missionary offerings. He was very happy and loved the Lord. He was always the first to greet us at the door when any of us ever came home. And we can't forget that one of his distinct characteristics was sitting indian style and carrying on a conversation with his socks waving in front of him. He was an inspiration to all his friends at the day service center, and many attended his funeral."
Oh Uncle John how you made me laugh all the time! We would watch parent trap together :) I really enjoyed that. I was the only grand child that would just sit and hang out with him.
Love you John Patrick.
So we are doing Forgotten God in sunday school. I was nervous about it because they didn't seem interested and I am a horrible teacher. I spent the morning in prayer about it all before sunday school which was a really good time for me. After Sunday school Mitchell came up to me and said "thanks, that was really good." Ah man, thats all I needed to hear!
Also, I am moving on up in the blogging world. I have now had more posts than Megan Van de Loo for the months of Sept. Oct. AND Nov. :) Anyways, not that big of a deal. Oh well, maybe that just means she is doing more with her life :)
Also, I am moving on up in the blogging world. I have now had more posts than Megan Van de Loo for the months of Sept. Oct. AND Nov. :) Anyways, not that big of a deal. Oh well, maybe that just means she is doing more with her life :)
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Good Forgotten God quotes
“When we allow others’ perceptions of us (or even our perceptions of their perceptions!) to control how we live, we are enslaved.”
“But it’s absolutely vital to grasp that He didn’t call you there so you could settle in and live out your life in comfort and superficial peace. His purposes are not random or arbitrary. If you are still alive on this planet, it’s because He has something for you to do.”
“Jesus suffered grueling death so that I could have the amazing gift of the Holy Spirit. How dare I take this for granted.”
“Yet whether consciously or not, we essentially say to God, ‘I know You raised Christ from the dead; but the fact is my problems are just too much for You and I need to deal with them by myself.”
“When I read the book of Acts, I see the church as an unstoppable force.”
“In other words, when we stock up on knowledge without applying it to our lives, we are actually sinning. You would think that learning more about God would be a good thing…and it can be. But when we gain knowledge about God without responding to Him or assimilating His truth into our lives, then it is not a good thing. According to the Bible, it’s sin. May we not merely gain knowledge. Instead, as we learn, may we grow and confess and change more into the people we’ve been created to be by the power of the Holy Spirit, who dwells within us.”
“But it’s absolutely vital to grasp that He didn’t call you there so you could settle in and live out your life in comfort and superficial peace. His purposes are not random or arbitrary. If you are still alive on this planet, it’s because He has something for you to do.”
“Jesus suffered grueling death so that I could have the amazing gift of the Holy Spirit. How dare I take this for granted.”
“Yet whether consciously or not, we essentially say to God, ‘I know You raised Christ from the dead; but the fact is my problems are just too much for You and I need to deal with them by myself.”
“When I read the book of Acts, I see the church as an unstoppable force.”
“In other words, when we stock up on knowledge without applying it to our lives, we are actually sinning. You would think that learning more about God would be a good thing…and it can be. But when we gain knowledge about God without responding to Him or assimilating His truth into our lives, then it is not a good thing. According to the Bible, it’s sin. May we not merely gain knowledge. Instead, as we learn, may we grow and confess and change more into the people we’ve been created to be by the power of the Holy Spirit, who dwells within us.”
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Time to get Serious
I am terrified.
Today I had a thought.
I am in charge of making disciples out of the kids in the youth group. Essentially a lot of their spiritual life rests in my hands.
That is a big deal. It is the most important and crucial part of their life.
Also, Satan is sooooo good at getting us where it will effect us the most and those around us. He makes me believe that I can't do this job. He makes me believe that I am failing. He makes me believe that I am not equipped to teach. He makes me believe that the kids don't like me. He takes away or masks my motivation.
I continually need people to give me success stories, encouragement, and to speak Truth into my life. There is no way we can all do this on our own. Its a huge task that an only be accomplished together. Shoot. I can do anything. You know why I feel this way a lot and think those things? Because I do not spend enough time in prayer or the word. I have the power but for some reason I haven't completely tapped into it!!
To my Greenville Friends. I love you to death. This is a good thing and a bad thing. Let me explain. I LOVED being in Greenville last week. I just like having the company. great company. Friends mean the world to me that is why this is gonna be hard for me....because, I am going to ask you guys to hold me accountable. Don't let me do that ever again. Stay any other day besides friday and saturday. I mean, it would be ok if i did, but I want to be able to do my absolute best at my job...and I can't if i do that again. If that makes sense. I just have been thinking about how much good I can do in the world if I really try and really focus on God. Friends get in the way. Not because of anything they do, but just because I allow them to. They just mean sooo much to me, and I want to be with them always. I do believe that they can help me accomplish and do my best...but only in the right way. I don't want them to become my main priority anymore. Their love and support is always needed and together we can do sooo much good in this world!!
I guess what I am saying is...next time just ask me about my reasons for coming to visit or purpose behind the visit and that I am not slacking off here. I don't want it to be just a job..but my life. It will be hard for me.
It is easy for me to get down about things.
If you ever need accountability or help with your focus and priorities, let me know. I will be glad to encourage and support you as best I can. Remember as Iron sharpens Iron we are to sharpen one another.
I have decided to completely take out things in my life that are not pleasing to God or things that don't further the kingdom of God. They may not necessarily be bad things, but just things that aren't hurting me or benefiting the kingdom. I want my life to be completely God's. Its time I stop talking and really start living it.
Prayers are always appreciated.
Love always. Pray Continually. Serve faithfully.
Today I had a thought.
I am in charge of making disciples out of the kids in the youth group. Essentially a lot of their spiritual life rests in my hands.
That is a big deal. It is the most important and crucial part of their life.
Also, Satan is sooooo good at getting us where it will effect us the most and those around us. He makes me believe that I can't do this job. He makes me believe that I am failing. He makes me believe that I am not equipped to teach. He makes me believe that the kids don't like me. He takes away or masks my motivation.
I continually need people to give me success stories, encouragement, and to speak Truth into my life. There is no way we can all do this on our own. Its a huge task that an only be accomplished together. Shoot. I can do anything. You know why I feel this way a lot and think those things? Because I do not spend enough time in prayer or the word. I have the power but for some reason I haven't completely tapped into it!!
To my Greenville Friends. I love you to death. This is a good thing and a bad thing. Let me explain. I LOVED being in Greenville last week. I just like having the company. great company. Friends mean the world to me that is why this is gonna be hard for me....because, I am going to ask you guys to hold me accountable. Don't let me do that ever again. Stay any other day besides friday and saturday. I mean, it would be ok if i did, but I want to be able to do my absolute best at my job...and I can't if i do that again. If that makes sense. I just have been thinking about how much good I can do in the world if I really try and really focus on God. Friends get in the way. Not because of anything they do, but just because I allow them to. They just mean sooo much to me, and I want to be with them always. I do believe that they can help me accomplish and do my best...but only in the right way. I don't want them to become my main priority anymore. Their love and support is always needed and together we can do sooo much good in this world!!
I guess what I am saying is...next time just ask me about my reasons for coming to visit or purpose behind the visit and that I am not slacking off here. I don't want it to be just a job..but my life. It will be hard for me.
It is easy for me to get down about things.
If you ever need accountability or help with your focus and priorities, let me know. I will be glad to encourage and support you as best I can. Remember as Iron sharpens Iron we are to sharpen one another.
I have decided to completely take out things in my life that are not pleasing to God or things that don't further the kingdom of God. They may not necessarily be bad things, but just things that aren't hurting me or benefiting the kingdom. I want my life to be completely God's. Its time I stop talking and really start living it.
Prayers are always appreciated.
Love always. Pray Continually. Serve faithfully.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Da Weekend
So. This weekend has been full of surprises!
I woke up at 6am to go to six flags on saturday. I had a bus full of jr. high and sr. high kids jammin to Lecrae.
We arrived at noon.
I got to ride a whole three rides! The scooby doo ride was my favorite though. I got legit scared at one point, haha. We were going through a dark tunnel and I could here a scary monster on the side!! I rode the ride with my new friend Laura because we were the "bag ladies". We held everyone's stuff while they rode rides. I was a little sad because i LOVE roller coasters and I really wanted to ride all of them. I had to remember that my job here is to make sure they have fun so I was willing to do a lot of sitting. It is a good thing that I had Laura there or else it would have been super boring. We talked the entire time we were waiting for the kids to ride. Laura goes to the Uof I. She was active in the youth group in high school. We were talking about scary movies and how we like to watch them but no one will ever watch them with us...so we were like, lets just go tonight! ha. so we did. We went and saw paranormal activity 3 at midnight which was the time we got back from six flags. The theater was so packed with ghetto people. It was super funny to watch all of them jump and scream throughout the movie. It wasn't as scary as we thought it would be, but it was still good. There was a random/awkward almost sex scene. I hate that. No one told me that was in there. Just a bad judgement call on my end.
I was sick of jr.high girls though! oh.my.gosh. This one girl started crying and saying she wanted to go home. No one knew why...except that she wasn't getting exactly what she wanted. I couldn't handle that. I just told her how it is and to stop crying and enjoy herself.
Im pretty excited about my new friend though. We just really clicked. We literally just met each other as we were walking into six flags and we were going to a movie and hanging out that night :) She invited me to come to Normal, IL sometime and hang out...so I might just do that.
I haven't felt the greatest this weekend. I'm not sure what it is. I just feel tired. I thought it was just because all week I sit behind a desk and don't have much conversation/human interaction. I just hope there isn't something wrong. It's like the symptoms of someone who is low on iron...but I'm not. I had a doctor give me iron pills once before, but I only took them for like a couple weeks. Every time I give blood they tell me my iron is just fine. So, i don't know what it is. I do want it to go away though. I just never feel energized even if i eat right.
Sunday night i was sitting on my bed after coming home from youth group thinking about going to bed early...then I just was sick of not having anyone around to talk to me. When I am not feeling well I just want to sit while having my friends just around. I don't know if that makes sense. So, I figured I could spend 30 bucks to go to greenville...might have to skip a few meals this next week, ha, but it'd be worth it. So i drove down. It felt so nice. Those hugs that I got were the best ones ive got in a LONG time.
I woke up at 6am to go to six flags on saturday. I had a bus full of jr. high and sr. high kids jammin to Lecrae.
We arrived at noon.
I got to ride a whole three rides! The scooby doo ride was my favorite though. I got legit scared at one point, haha. We were going through a dark tunnel and I could here a scary monster on the side!! I rode the ride with my new friend Laura because we were the "bag ladies". We held everyone's stuff while they rode rides. I was a little sad because i LOVE roller coasters and I really wanted to ride all of them. I had to remember that my job here is to make sure they have fun so I was willing to do a lot of sitting. It is a good thing that I had Laura there or else it would have been super boring. We talked the entire time we were waiting for the kids to ride. Laura goes to the Uof I. She was active in the youth group in high school. We were talking about scary movies and how we like to watch them but no one will ever watch them with us...so we were like, lets just go tonight! ha. so we did. We went and saw paranormal activity 3 at midnight which was the time we got back from six flags. The theater was so packed with ghetto people. It was super funny to watch all of them jump and scream throughout the movie. It wasn't as scary as we thought it would be, but it was still good. There was a random/awkward almost sex scene. I hate that. No one told me that was in there. Just a bad judgement call on my end.
I was sick of jr.high girls though! oh.my.gosh. This one girl started crying and saying she wanted to go home. No one knew why...except that she wasn't getting exactly what she wanted. I couldn't handle that. I just told her how it is and to stop crying and enjoy herself.
Im pretty excited about my new friend though. We just really clicked. We literally just met each other as we were walking into six flags and we were going to a movie and hanging out that night :) She invited me to come to Normal, IL sometime and hang out...so I might just do that.
I haven't felt the greatest this weekend. I'm not sure what it is. I just feel tired. I thought it was just because all week I sit behind a desk and don't have much conversation/human interaction. I just hope there isn't something wrong. It's like the symptoms of someone who is low on iron...but I'm not. I had a doctor give me iron pills once before, but I only took them for like a couple weeks. Every time I give blood they tell me my iron is just fine. So, i don't know what it is. I do want it to go away though. I just never feel energized even if i eat right.
Sunday night i was sitting on my bed after coming home from youth group thinking about going to bed early...then I just was sick of not having anyone around to talk to me. When I am not feeling well I just want to sit while having my friends just around. I don't know if that makes sense. So, I figured I could spend 30 bucks to go to greenville...might have to skip a few meals this next week, ha, but it'd be worth it. So i drove down. It felt so nice. Those hugs that I got were the best ones ive got in a LONG time.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Weird like Lactose
This has been a weird week for me.
It started out pretty overwhelming.
Burdens being lifted. Trying to overcome temptations.
I was pretty darn proud of myself. But it wasn't easy.
Also, I think I had a conversation consisting of at most five sentences each day.
That was it.
I need more conversation.
It's weird because before I was always bombarded with people who wanted to talk.
Having one on ones, counseling people, girls barging into your room.
Now. I kinda miss that.
I was asked to speak to a group of old ladies the second tuesday in November.
What about? I have no idea.
I hate speaking. I am not good at it.
I also have to give the message twice in November to the Youth.
Once again. I hate speaking. This is the one thing that turns me away from this job.
I am freaking out a little over it.
I bought my first carton of Lactose free milk.
We shall see if I don't get sick.
I had a Mocha Frappe today.
BAAAD idea.
Let's just say, my tummy hurt and I was in and out of the bathroom.
I still haven't figured out if dairy is the problem, but I think it is.
I might have cried a little thinking about not being able to drink Frozen Mochas anymore.
Shoot dang.
Well, time for bed. No work tomorrow, Yay!
I will sleep in and enjoy it :)
It started out pretty overwhelming.
Burdens being lifted. Trying to overcome temptations.
I was pretty darn proud of myself. But it wasn't easy.
Also, I think I had a conversation consisting of at most five sentences each day.
That was it.
I need more conversation.
It's weird because before I was always bombarded with people who wanted to talk.
Having one on ones, counseling people, girls barging into your room.
Now. I kinda miss that.
I was asked to speak to a group of old ladies the second tuesday in November.
What about? I have no idea.
I hate speaking. I am not good at it.
I also have to give the message twice in November to the Youth.
Once again. I hate speaking. This is the one thing that turns me away from this job.
I am freaking out a little over it.
I bought my first carton of Lactose free milk.
We shall see if I don't get sick.
I had a Mocha Frappe today.
BAAAD idea.
Let's just say, my tummy hurt and I was in and out of the bathroom.
I still haven't figured out if dairy is the problem, but I think it is.
I might have cried a little thinking about not being able to drink Frozen Mochas anymore.
Shoot dang.
Well, time for bed. No work tomorrow, Yay!
I will sleep in and enjoy it :)
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